I started suspecting my husband of having an affair back in January. I asked him and he denied it. In February, he told me that he wasn't sure if he loved me, he had to find himself. We tried counseling for a few weeks. It was going nowhere, so I told him I was going to stop going because he wasn't giving it 100%. On April 23/07, he finally admitted to having an affair with a co-worker. My life has been shattered again. This was not his first affair. Eight years ago he also had an affair. I struggled with that one and after many years I finally trusted him completely. He now tells me that he also had an affair three years after we were married. We have been married 15 years this May but together for 20 years. He said the factors for all three affairs were my weight and the fact that the relationship I had with his parents wasn't good. He moved out. I am so mad, angry, fustrated, hurt and betrayed - emmotional ping pong discribes how I feel. Everyone tells me to run and not look back, but this is so difficult. I have three children who are so hurt and full of anger. All they want is there dad and mom back together. I believe I still love him. He says he doesn't know what he wants lover or wife. She plans to leave her family at the end of june. I have asked him to end his relationship with her, to keep it to business only. He said he has, but I don't trust him. He has agreed to go to counselling together. He has not committed to working on the marriage. At this point, I am not sure if I want it to work - I am soooooooooo angry at him for hurting the children and myself. One minute I want him back and the next I want him to die. All I do is cry and cry. This is so hard to deal with. How does one not think about his family and how they will be hurt by his actions? I feel so alone- the pain is so great.
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