Can there be a difference? An affair to me is an intense emotional and physical connection that two people share. When it comes to making decisions about what to do, there is confusion and the unknowing of what to do. Do I want my spouse or my OW/OM? I think people who can make a "cold turkey" decision were not deeply connected and just fulfilling a void and too ashamed to face their partner about it. I don't know if this helps anyone who is deciding their futures with their spouse, but analyzing our situation has helped me come to grips with it. My husband on the day "it" was all found out cut ties with the OW completely. No calls, no emails, nothing. I know this because I monitor everything and have foolishly hired a PI. (very expensive, don't do it! Buy a piece of furniture instead!) He has been 100% devoted to me and the kids and has realized the foolishness of this whole mess. He was living in a world of no worries, commitment, and someone stroking his ego. According to him, he thought all I did was bitch and complain about everything when now he realizes all I was doing was crying out to be loved and noticed. It may be too late for his sudden revelation but I can't let our marriage go down without at least trying! Good luck to everyone!
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