I just found out two days ago (Happy Fourth - ha!) that my husband had an affair two years ago and is still in touch with her - he said 'Happy Fourth of July, Firecracker' to her and I saw his phone had a message 'You too' from someone I didn't know, so I started looking at previous texts. We have been married 19 years and I would not say we have the best marriage, especially sexually, as there has been a huge lack of that for a while - I have even been sleeping in a separate room as he snores like a bear and I really didn't miss having lots of sex. He says that's the 'reason', but his first mistake was not trying to work with me. He's all ready to fix things and move on, and for him, it's been 2 years, and it appears it was done then (though clearly he stayed in touch).
For me, though, it's been 2 days. I am still really hurt and crying all the time. I think back to two years ago and I was hanging out with him at the hospital for his heart condition on my birthday and our 18th anniversary within weeks of his going to her. I took my daughter to visit family and he apparently 'did the deed' then. For months prior to that, he was sending pics and e-mails who knows what else (he deleted the evidence).
He is generally a super nice guy and is intent on 'saving the marriage' - I also want to save the marriage, but it's way too premature for me to move onto that stage. My issue is that he looks at me all hurt and when I bring anything up or start crying, he acts like I'm doing something horrible to him! He is arranging marriage counseling, which will start in a month, but I asked him to just give me time for now. He wants me to start sleeping in the same room again, which I have agreed to, but with the caveat that I can leave when I need to.
Because I have a 13 year old daughter that I am not telling and a very judgemental family, I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I found this support site, where I can see that many are going through the same feelings I am - the sense of 'how do I know what's real' and the sick feeling.
Advice on how to handle this roller coaster I am on?
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