
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
i guess i tell you this because my husband brought it up continually. he just kept the wound open. if you truly want your marriage to survive, go to a counselor who will help you let go. you are absolutely normal to have issues from this, but dont sabatage yourself. you deserve to be happy. find a way to let yourself.
god's peace to you friend.
You definitely hold the trump card to "own" every argument, and you ABSOLUTELY have every right to have all kinds of feelings about what he's done. As others have mentioned, there is no time limit on grief.
Where you are making a mistake is in bringing this into every disagreement. When you have a disagreement or argument, it is crucial to STICK TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND. Playing the "but you had an affair so I win" card is just off-sides, and I think in your heart, you know it.
By bringing up all your angers and issues from the past, you are completely invalidating the legitimacy of anything you are discussing in the present - both your feelings AND his. You *do* need to talk to him about your feelings and let him know that you are still struggling, but the time to do this is when you are calm and rational and can just TALK to him. When you spit it at him like venom, the natural response is going to be him feeling defensive and wrong and guilty and shamed. Nothing productive or healing for either of you will ever come of that.
When you sit down with him calmly and tell him you are struggling, you have the opportunity to not only better understand each other, but you also BOTH get to talk about your feelings and give each other the comfort, support and assurance you really need to get through this.
I *know* this a lot harder to do than it is to say, but you are right - you are going to cost yourself your marriage if you can't keep this out of every argument.
When you need to get the venom out, post it here. DO get it out, but DO NOT use it as a weapon to win a battle. In the end, what good does it do you to win the battle if you lose the war?
You might be genuinely surprised at how HEALING it can be to come to someone quietly and calmly and just TALK about your feelings. No blame. No judgment. Just talk about how YOU are feeling, and let him talk about how HE is feeling. You'll be growing THROUGH the problem instead of using it to bludgeon him into silence. Until the two of you can really talk this out and re-establish your intimacy as a couple, I don't see how you CAN move forward.
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BetrayedasWell ~
You have been holding on to e-mails/IMs for 7 years that your husband got from the OW?? If you've truly forgiven him then why haven't you gotten rid of that stuff? Plus, 7 years ago people weren't even texting messages, or atleast I don't remember it being available yet at that time. But maybe I'm wrong. But really, why hold on to that stuff if you say you have forgiven your husband? I don't think anyone can forgive someone (and they definitely won't forget it) if they keep such information available to them to look at whenever they want. How depressing. How will you ever truly move on?