I've already talked and talked about this so much, it's hard to pinpoint what to say. Forgive me if this meanders. A few months ago I came across an email where my girlfriend had asked a friend to lie about how late she had stayed out. It stated, "Tell him WE ALL stayed out late." Then there was an email about, "giving the landscapers a show." Now, I'm no alarmist, but it's hard not to read the obvious into a statement like this. Something was afoot. When confronted, she first denied it. I'm not an idiot though and she writes things down a lot. I had proof that of playing around. She then admitted there was a heavy flirtation with a former lover. I was very upset. I confronted the guy thought email and a phone call and left it alone, but the pieces didn't fit. Eventually she said they had fooled around. Again, with all of the written letters etc. It was not adding up. Again, I could be a dentist the way I was pulling teeth. They had slept together. She said there were three instances. One makeout session, one oral session, and then the final deed. I had been dealing with a bit of depression due to my grandmother being severly ill with cancer and basically on her death bed. I drank alone, frequently. Wasn't available emotionally all the time. No excuse. I would ask her if there are any details she has left out that I should know. Everytime, "no, that's all." I'd ask if he wore protection, were fluids exchanged. Again, "no." I needed closure from this guy whether that is healthy or not. I needed him to know I was a real person and there would be consequences. Physical or emotional. He was intimidated, yet he was more honest with me than she had been. They had slept together three times. A condom was not used once. And he would, ahem, gulp. I've been a rollercoaster of emotion. I ranted about wailing on the guy, but didn't. I'm trying to be the better, mature man. She admitted what he said was true. Everything I've learned of the trist, was either reading emails, letters or going to the other party myself. Never fully out of her mouth. My girlfriend also has Multiple Sclerosis. I know that the stress of fighting has been taking a toll on her health. Maybe shes a good actress, I don't know. We have been going to counseling. It seems to help for a few days at a time. Then she forgets her promises and continues behavior that just hurts. Like storming out and then turning her phone off. I cannot go to certain places, because I want to avoid friends that knew this was happening and encouraged it and didn't say anything to me. Sex is almost non-existent. She will perform oral only. And I can only touch her through her underwear. She says, "you're too big." Well, that has never been a problem before, and you sure seemed ok those times with HIM. I'm distraught. Could this be and actual MS related thing? Am I just inadequate? There are other details to all of this, I'm just going spare. I need advice. I have no idea if I can trust her. I do love this woman. Even if that is stupid. I've given her every reason to trust and tell me the truth. What the hell do I do?
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