ok il try to keep it short , my hubby of 23 years ,always a honest loving family man worshipped the ground i walked on and the kids ,started with severe depression 3 years ago and finally lost his job through it , i suffer with a severe panic disorder the reason i joined this site never knew id need it for this anyway , he started using chatrooms sharing music with people and said thats all it was , hed used it before no problems , but was spending more and more time on there and seemed to log off as i came in room ect , i was suspicious and snooped , found photos of a woman and a video of her taking her top off , obviously i flipped this was so out of character for my hubby , i asked him about it and he said it was nothing they were just friends ect , he started staying up all night saying he couldnt sleep and we started bickering over silly things , i then lost my job , so no money coming in at all , getting into debt , house went to court which was granted repossession order but managed to suspend it while evr i pay 300 pounds a month , son turned back to drugs also tole of us , wont get up or get a job which caused more arguments , we have never been in a position like this before nd it took its toll on us but buried our heads in the sand ,manwhile hubby was talking to a woman in greece 5 years younger than him , he was vunerable ,im not making xcuses but he was and talking to her made him forget his problems here , the more they talked the more i got mad and asked him to come of pc which made him more determined not too .I snooped some more and logged into his chatroom account and talked to her letting her think it was him , she went on to say she could get a flight 11th june just gone did he still want to meet her , had he told me he didnt love me and thewasnt eng fair onme this really shocked me to the core , he came in whille i was still talking to her and came clean to her that it was me she was talking to .Hubby said no aragements had been made if theywere to meet it would be as friends blah blah but nohing was arranged and i was blowing it out of proportion ,she was infatuated by him but she was just a friend , he said he needed time on his own the arguments were getting him down , so i agreed to move to my daughters , i finished up there for 5 weeks but we saw each other more or less daily because of kids and dogs ect so he decided to go away for 10 days walking and clearing his head , i thought it would be a fairytale reunion when he got back and i eagerly awaited his return , only for him to say he still wasnt sure what he wanted he feels he needs to do things on his own , is it a midlife crisis , is it his untreated depression or just male egoidont know but i told him i was coming back home i wasnt sleeping on an airbed no longer and paying bills for him to live in comfort , so i came back only to find her phone no and address he kept saying he didnt know what to do but she had told him he could stay at her appartment and gaurantee him a job more than hes got here , i can see the attraction plus shes 15 years younger than him n says she loves him telling him all he wants to hear , ive tried everything to get him to stay begging , pleading telling him how goo we were together and it can be sorted , i feel he is a proud man and feels hes let us down and sees no way out , yea i do think this woman has something to do with it too , he told me other day he was 50/50 then today he said hed give his mum something i needed , i said why cant you give it me , he says i dont know wether il be here do i , so i said so your going , he said yes ive not changed my mind , so i said i thought you was 50/50 he says i still am , i really cant see him doing this , hes not the type of man to do this or hurt us like this , i just want him back , i love him so much and hurt like hell , he says he cares for me and loves me and will always be my friend and be there for me but ive told him he goes to her and hes dead and buried as far as im concerned , i never want to see or hear from him again ,of course thats untrue but im not letting him think otherwise , i think thats been part of the problem 2 women fighting over him knowing i still want him and would take him back in a heartbeat sort of gives him the right to have his cake and eat it ,im left in loads of debt a son on drugs holding onto house by skin of my teeth and dont know how much more i can take ,his mum only lives 2 doors away and i see him nearly every day which tears my heart in 2 , i just want to love and hold him but cant yet other day he came round and sat for 10 hours just talking , but why if he doesnt want me , i think hes as torn as i am , im thinking about moving away for a while still in same town but not telling anyone where , im also thinking of going for a divorce , it might be the shock he needs oh and btw ive got him on recorder saying he doesnt love her and its just somewhee to stay he could never love any1 but me , do i send this to her as shes the one pulling the strings and ruining our lives any advice please i feel im going nuts wendy x
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