In my case, the OW was my H's supervisee. My gut told me the A was happening because my H was different. That old "a wife knows" kind of deal. However, he denied it when I confronted him and then things seemed to settle. I convinced myself there was nothing to my suspicions.

How I actually found out was the worst experience of my life. Almost 2 years after my H had seen or spoken to her, she sent me a Facebook message under a fake name. According to my H, she lied about some details making the A sound even worse than it actually was. Now, because my H wasn't man enough to tell me the truth and end the A when I confronted him, I had to find out in such a way that makes me feel confused and violated. If your gut isn't talking to you, so to speak, then don't worry. However, if it does start talking...listen to it!

It's your gut telling you. Man, I remember telling my sister that I would always believe it in my heart before my head. Turns out right.

It's that gut feeling. It's that 'what you are saying isn't lining up with what you are doing or acting.' It's that 'why are you different to me?' It's that 'there is something very wrong here...something that I never sensed before.'

It's hard to put into words.

L~

Once again, it was a gut feeling/instinct.

Is your gut telling you something is wrong?

That fact that you are here asking this question makes me think that something is alarming you.

That gut feeling is your subconscious putting together all the little clues on changed behavior and coming up with "there is something wrong."

Anyway, after confronting my wife and getting "nothing is wrong, you just have self esteem issues that are making you worry for nothing", I then convinced myself to ignore my gut because "she would never do that to me, we talked about this time and again and said we would divorce before we would ever cheat."

Of course she did cheat. I found email and text proof months later.

So if your gut isn't sending you alarms, I think there are two possibilities:

1. He is not cheating on you
2. He has been cheating from day one, so you will never have the chance to notice the changing behaviors.

Normally I would say number one is most likely, but given the family history of cheating ... I just don't know.

In my case my H started to act out of he ordinary. He stopped having sex with me, stopped telling me he loved me, stopped wanting to touch me even in little ways, struggled with family outtings, was on the computer/smart phone ALL the time, started getting angry a lot, snapped at the kids all the time for nothing, didn't want to spend time with the family. There were some stressful things going on and I just assumed his behavior was related to that. It took 3 months for my gut feelings to tell me that he was either having an A or chemically imbalanced and needed some meds. So I starting digging....

I dont think you can base his families traits on him. Its really not fair to him. If he exhibits any of the characteristics that alizar or mommy224 mention then flags should go up. If he is with you every night plus on the weekends and is a loving husband then you have to trust he will remain faithful. Basing his families history on him will just put strain on what could be a totally happy marriage. I wouldnt want to be in a relationship w/o trust either way....If there are flags you can always buy a voice activated tape machine. They are small less then $50 and work very well from what I am told. my friend put one in their spouses car under the seat. Worked like a charm. Felt bad about doing it but really needed to know so that they could move on. They have. gl

Your heart and your head will mess with you ... listen to your gut. If your gut says something is wrong, there probably is.

Your gut will tell you. If you feel like you have to start digging and snooping...it's probably because you do.
My H had a short temper with my son. He would seem very distant and didn't want to talk as much. He was restless when we were at home.

There are always signs that will be an uncomfortable annoyance at first. But over time they start to add up and can't really be swept under the rug so you can go back to feeling normal, like everything's ok.
My situation is kinda similar to yours. I've always been suspicious and never trusted any man completely. Even started an emergency leaving fund just because you never know what can happen.
Our relationship was still 'fine' but the distance was growing and I was feeling a disconnect for a while now. Found out my H's brother had been having an A from his wife. When I told H later what an ass his bro had been, I noted he couldn't seem to get away from the subject fast enough. Rather than ask what was going on, express concern for my sister in law, his brother, their situation......just a quick 'uh-oh- then changed the subject. Can you say red flag, boys n' girls? Tried bringing it up again a while later and the same thing happened. I was hitting too close to home, I was sure.
There had been other little things here and there, but never a chain of events that led my suspicions. He works here at home, wasn't going out, etc. But he does travel for his job fairly frequently, including overseas. So after this red flag I decided it was time to snoop. It was fairly easy for me to figure out he was really up to something, because he'd gone on e.d. pills a year or so prior and I started counting them, and realized he was traveling with them, or one would be missing when he went to the gym, a doc appt., whatever.
But even without that proof, I just noted his behavioral changes. I found a secret cell phone. Started writing down the mileage on his car, counting $ in his wallet, checking clothes from the gym, etc. . Before long I had enough to enlist a p.i., put a gps on his car, and eventually have him followed straight to the strip club or massage parlors he worked in between his doc appt and a few other errands, in the middle of the day. I uncovered more later about his overseas trips too.

So, my advice is to follow any hunch you may have, but be sure you're ready to handle what you may discover. Do the easy things like checking his phone, mileage, money, receipts,monitoring computer time/history, etc.
Mention his brothers and dad's cheating and watch his reaction.

I actually went into this just trying to lay my fears to rest because these things with H happened so infrequently it didn't add up to him having an affair. Unfortunately it did add up to random sex stuff and had been going on for a pretty damn long time. Had I paid attention sooner, I could've put a stop to it, or left.

I came from a family of cheaters. Mother,father, sisters and brother. I don't and won't cheat. But I'm divorced now.

The ex is a serial cheater and I only knew about his cheating once early in our marriage and I guess he wanted drama and told me about it. I gave him more drama than he wanted and he hid his cheating better. His father cheated. Married one of the ex's high school girlfriends. None of this I knew until after my divorce.

You have to listen to your gut and then it's still hard to find out if they are really good at covering their tracks. Hours and money always matched and you could set your watch by the time he came in the door at night.

When he went overseas to work he got careless and let things slip out. About a movie we had seen. WE hadn't been to a movie in years because they always put him to sleep. We didn't go because he couldn't take a beer in with him.

Finally even with him away working it became very obvious what he was doing. I no longer have to worry about what he might bring home. How soon he will trade me in for someone younger.

I found out about his son when the mother called begging for monwy to feed him. She was in the Philippines and he had quit sending her support. He had just left to go back to China and left me to take her calls. I filed for a divorce several months later when I got all the infor I needed.

Yep, the gut...that's where it is. Over 12 years, various friends of both sexes, NONE of them raised a red flag for me except the OW. Hundreds of times I questioned his friendship (we all hung out, babysat each other's kids, they carpooled, etc) and hundreds of times he lied to my face, until I found his texts. So, game over.
I had nothing but 100 percent faith and trust in him. Even when people asked, "Do you think he is seeing someone?" I said no, even though a thought of her would come to mind, but I always erred on his side. ALWAYS.
The moment you find out, and you will find out if it's happening, it will click. While I was pissed, angry, sad, heartbroken, disgusted, embarassed, etc..one thing I wasn't, was surprised. I was NOT surprised it was her.

Do not ignore the gut! I've been trying to get a hold of my H's cell phone, because once again, my gut is telling me to beware.

Other than the family history, he has not done anything out of the ordinary in the three years that we have been married. We get along very well, do things together, have a healthy sex life and all that good stuff. It's just that a lot of women have been telling me things lately like "most men cheat" and the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree", so it just makes me wonder. Is cheating learned/inherited?

My husband does, thank God, act differently from his family. They are always yelling and fighting with each other and he is basically calm and easy going and hates drama, so hopefully he does not ever follow in his family's footsteps as far as infidelity is concerned.

When we first started dating and I met his family, I was actually the one that pointed out that his brother seemed like the "cheating type" after meeting him for the first time. My husband agreed that he was and told me about it. I wasn't sure about his dad at the time but I always said that I would not be surprised if he cheated because I noticed that he looks at his wife like he doesn't even like her and they are odviously not happy. My husband said he thinks his dad has been having an affair and told me how he has been acting different over the last few months. His brother is always having an affair and he and his wife act like they can't stand each other.

I guess I'm just worried about all the "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree comments".

I never unerstood people when they said you get a gut feeling but that is true, go with your gut. I confornted him once and of course he denided it but after checking his cell phone a couple of time i found the text. My advice is to not just look at this phone but check the phone records for any repeating numbers wether calls or texts. Good luck to you I hope your feeling is wrong and you won't have to go through and feel what the rest of us are feeling.

Kim2887 - Given your follow-up, I think your husband is being faithful to you. He has given you no reason to doubt him. He was honest from the beginning about his family's behavior. His behavior has remained consistent towards you.

Stop thinking about "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Think instead that you might have gotten the one pure apple from a tree filled with rotten ones.

Just remember the overwhelming response that told you to "trust your gut". If at some point in the future you start thinking "I think he is cheating, I just feel it", then you probably have reason to worry.

Now comes unsolicited advice.

Maybe use this opportunity as a relationship check. Think about if your focus has drifted from your husband. Consider what you can do to make sure he feels special. Consider what he can do to make you feel special ... and then ask for it.

Think about if your communication with your husband is as good and clear as it should be.

Read some relationship books. My favorites for relationships are The Five Love Languages and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". There are some practical actions in those books you can take to keep your relationship fresh and rewarding.

Thanks ImDealing, that makes sense.