I would welcome those answers too. I've spent a long time trying to figure out why.

According to my H, He didn't think it was right, but the opportunity was there so he took it. He said that we wasn't close and he didn't think he loved me..

My mother had died about a year and half previous and I was going through some problems... Depression, Weight gain, etc...I was having problems at work with my supervisor and instead of helping and being understanding, he as the typical male wanted to solve the problem his way ... Because of that I stopped talking to him about it....
He was stupid (his words) and when his supervisor made a pass at him, he took her up on it...It was a fantasy world for him.. and he didn't think that I would ever find out.. He didn't realize how the guilt would feel to him...(He told me himself)...

Why? I see now that his childhood was a big factor in his character...
His mother suffered from depression and would tell him that she was leaving him... if he did something bad as a small child..
He would do anything in his power to keep from making her mad at him...
In other words, her love for him was conditional. I guess, he never learned to love anyone, unconditionally... (Some parents lay a lot of things on their children) His father also cheated on his mother and he knew about it...

This is just my story... I am sure that there are many hundreds out there...

I think the reasons for all our decisions in life goes back to how we grew up...
Maybe you should ask the cheater, if their parents or grandparents were cheaters...

I am not excusing the cheaters... because this is the very worse thing that has ever happened in my life... Just some thoughts!

Hope this helps!

I am trying to get the cheaters to respond to this, so I am bringing it back to the front page,, sorry! LOL

If you look at my post on "Tilting at Windmills", this explains some of what I went through. I'll just add that I think my OM was giving me what I wasn't getting from MH (compliments, validity of being a worthwhile person etc), and I suppose I felt safe with the OM - something I haven't felt with MH for years. In fact, I've been afraid of MH for a very long time due to his drinking. My counselor helped me to understand that. Was it right for me to resort to cheating? Absolutely not!! I guess I was just at my wits end, and another man came along - first as a good friend, but it just went too far. I'm paying for this mistake BIG TIME, but I'm learning a lot about myself, as well. I should NEVER look to others to know that I'm a worthwhile person, and I need to NEVER allow my relationship with God to fall by the wayside, either. I hope this might help you.

I hope you realize that all cheaters do not cheat for the same reasons. You are going to get different answers and you ARE going to hear answers such as I don't know or I was unhappy because those are the truth for some. It doesn't make it right but they are valid reasons for some people.

ast - I agree with you. The reason I went looking for another man in the first place was because I wanted sex. I admit it. I wanted fun, exciting, strange sex. It was a phase for me. Thank God my husband forgives me and knows it was a phase. In fact, my husband knows me better than any other human on this earth. He knows my innermost feelings and totally connects with me and understood why I did what I did. It sounds weird but he did. And I totally regret it now and will spend the rest of my life making it up to my hubby.