Hi C,So sorry you are going through this. Not only is the it painful but it brings up all these questions, because it changes everything. There is not road map to tell us what to do and how to deal with it. Every step must be thought out, as does this one.

It does help to read some of the books available that address the issues facing us. There are many helpful books recommended on this site, next to discussions. The one that comforted me most was "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

Only you can say when and if you are ready to resume sexual relations. Most professional recommend doing so, if your partner is trying to repair the damage done and you also want to save the marriage or just maybe want to. I think what is most important is to be true to yourself. Sex tends to help the couple rebond. If you are ready for that, tell your husband, nicely, that it is difficult for you, but that you still love and miss him.

PLEASE GET TESTED FOR STD'S AND ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO DO THE SAME..FIRST. YOU DO NOT WANT TO WILLINGLY RISK A DISEASE, NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE CHOICE.

GOOD LUCK
NAVE

I agree with Nave, I also know a lot of the details and for me somethimes I can block it out and somethimes I cant...my C says it is all abot connecting. He recomended looking in eaach others eyes or stopping what you are doing and holding each other if you or he (cause my H has a hard time with it cause of guilt) are having bad thoughts.

Oh me too!!! I still see him doing the things I like with any one of the 3 he cheated with.When he does it to me...I ask myself did she do this better, did he like it better with her? BUT, when I get the thoughts going through me head I tell myself and the OW(ALL THREE OF THEM !) F*** You !! He's here with me and he's mine and you'll never know how good he feels EVER again. Keep your sad pathetic memories because that is all you'll have from my husband again. As silly as it sounds it makes me feel good. Because I will not let the other 3 woman have the satisfaction of knowing that they srewed me over in anyway shape or form. ( oh don't get me wrong, I am heart broken, but these 3 sluts have no clue how bad I really am, because I have refused to give them that pleasure) GOOD LUCK...

The thoughts and imiges of them together may never leave you. My H and I had been having sex for 28 years when he confessed his affair. The 1st time we had sex after the confession was the best sex we ever had. The hardest for me was that he NEVER made love to me like that before, but did her. I don't know what they did together. But my imagination is very vivid. He still lies about how much, what they did and how often they had sex.

Part of what you might be feeling is the need to prove to yourself you are still attractive and he desires you. Our self-esteam is at an all time low right now. At least that's the way it is for me. Part of you may want to reclaim what is yours, so to speak.