Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi there I am male, 47 yrs old and just found out my live in girlfriend of the past 5 years is having an affair with another man. Actually I found out as she is not being particularly discreet about it, I guess thinking I won't notice the signs.

I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow and will understand my options.

But I am trying to save the relationship, thinking it possible that I have something to do with this perhaps.

I have already brought up the indiscretion and received quick denial, but will be bringing it up again more definitively very soon as I want to understand what she wants.

I am really wondering if forgiveness works in this type of situation. Is it possible that when she is confronted with what I know and asked to pick a side - what will happen? The way I see it there will be a huge trust issue to overcome which frankly I am struggling with right now.

Any insight would be most appreciated.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am sorry you are going thru this.....the only thing i can say is that it is good she has shown her true colors before you marry(if that was ever the plan). you need to confront her with what you suspect and or what you know and find out what she wants. you don't deserve to be played so if you are not important enough for her to stop what she is doing then she does not deserve you. i wish you the best and i am here for you.
pianogirl
pianogirl
You're right. You will never have the same level of trust. But even before that, you have a ways to go to figure out where your relationship is headed. If she isn't even owning up to the truth yet, you've got some work ahead.

Welcome, and I hope you will find support here as I have.

The best advice I think I have received here is to give yourself time to think about your options and remember that forgiveness is a process, not a one time event or act.

If you are like me, used to making decisions and taking action- a "fix it now" type of person, this is difficult.

We're all here to listen and offer our perspective, but ultimately, you will be the one that has the tough decisions to make. Take time to really ponder what you are willing to accept and what the relationship means to you. Don't rush, except to get to the truth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks guys, it will be very hard when I confront the issue directly which will likely be tomorrow.

I still care for her and her lack of a conscience concerns me.

I do not know how she will react when I put it all on the table - Sunday got very chilly when I simply said, "you weren't at work last night like you said you were". She was more concerned that I was checking than in what she was doing.

I guess that tells the tale itself really.

I will keep in touch and thank you for your kindness and support.

You are right - take the time and move carefully. Very hard to do as I am certainly a take action person.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Steve, she will deny everything when you challenge her. She will lie, lie, swear upon her grandmothers grave its the truth, and lie again. Cheaters are simply wired this way.
You need solid proof to shock her into some form of confession. Even then you will only get a small bit of the whole story.
Do you have kids together? If not then my advice to you would be to run far far away.
If you have kids then you need to consider them very carefully in your decisions.

That unique special something you once had with her is gone now.
Things will never be the same, no matter what happens now.
Be very careful to not become a doormat.
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