How did you find out? Did you find out, or did he come clean? What has he said about it and how willing is he to talk about it?

Whatever you decide, remember that you do not need to decide RIGHT THIS MINUTE, but do not let this situation fester by any means.

Many of us here have been through situations like this. We all know how tough it is and how much it hurts. I am sorry that this happened to you but get what you can out of all the good people here.

I usually go over to his place on Friday and spend the weekend. I had some work to do at home do I didn't go on Friday went Sat. He had been sick so I was filling up the bath so he could take a bath and found the hair tie. I tried not over react and then when we went to bed the perfume hit me. I talked to him the next weekend about it. Then it seemed like he was losing interest in me, but I don't know it that is true or my imagination. I just really feel like I am losing it.

It is OK to feel lost and "out of control". This was out of control and that part is hard for a lot of people to come to terms with.

Talking to him about it was a good idea. I hope that he can talk to you about it and be honest.

Hang in there.

Oh he was honest, he says it is how he is and isn't going to stop. I asked him where I stood on the scale and he laughted and said I was the top. It wasn't anything I did or didn't do (and I do a lot) He just has to make sure he still has it, so he will call up an old friend and have her come over. He says I am the only one that stays. I am the only one he takes out. The only one he has around his family. Now I am scared that he is lying about everything. I just want to be able to function normally. And I just seem to be getting worse.

Have you confronted him? I would talk to him about what you found and see what he says. If he hasn't been calling you like he use to maybe that's his way of backing out of your relationship without having to confront you and tell you what happened.

This type of situation really sucks and there is no perfect way to deal with it, you need to do what you feel works for you. I would at least talk to him and find out what the heck happened, maybe there's an explanation...???

Good luck to you and try to keep strong.

I apologize, I just read the replies to your org post...I sent mine without reading all the posts.

From what I read, it sounds like he still wants his cake and his ice cream too. I hope what I say next doesn't offend you, but here goes nothing ~ If you're willing to share him with others then stay in the relationship, otherwise, run, run as fast as you can!

He has been honest and told you what he is up to, now you just need to figure out what it is you're willing to accept in this relationship. If you want someone long term this may not be the guy that will work for you, but for a good time, he may be just the thing.

It sucks that he is doing this, but now that you know what's happening you need to do some soul searching within yourself and figure out what you really want.

I agree with Garrison, you don't have to decide today, tomorrow or the next day, take your time to decide what you need to do. I would also recommend writing in your journal on this site and maybe talking to a professional. I really into self-help books, maybe there is one out there that you can p/u that would help you to decide what you need to do.

Hang in there and be strong...This too shall pass~

Yea we talked a week later. I didn't want to seem confrintational (sp?) So I waited to talk it out. I did stay calm and told him what I would like, if he is going to continue to at least change the sheets, etc. He is usually good about calling when he says he will, but now it seems he just doesn't care. I don't know if it is my imagination or fact. I was so depressed this last week I didn't even go to work. And that just isn't like me. He was suppose to call last night and didn't and so far today I haven't called him. I don't know what works for me....

I am sorry you're hurting. I hope I don't over step my boundries on this & please know that it's because I believe you're worth much more than this guy. He openly confesses he's cheating on you & you continue to take it? I know the excruciating pain you feel. Please believe you're worth more sweetie! I was stupid enough to sit around & wait for my H to call me whenever he wasn't w/ the OW. I lowered my standards for him because I loved him. We all do stuff like that when we really love someone. The truth is I didn't love myself at all because I took what ever leftovers he had to give me thinking that's all I deserved. I allowed him to do his thing until I got tired of waiting. He had two women that wanted him- what man wouldn't enjoy that? But then in the end she dumped him for someone that had "something" more to offer. Like the fool I am- I waited until he was done & he returned to me begging me to forgive him. He promises he'll never cheat again. I do know this- if he does I'll probably kill him next time. Or worse yet hurt myself. Listen to your heart & do what is right for you. Just remember you deserve to be loved & appreciated & adored.

The question really seems to be, what do you want?

Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who clearly does not love and appreciate you for you, or do you want something else/different/more?

Why don't you talk to a counsellor or someone who can help you decide what you want?

Ok, regardless of what he says

:you are the only one that stays
You are the only one he takes out
You are the only one he loves,

what he is DOING is downplaying your feelings about HIM sleeping with other people. He is actually acting like it is OK.

And its NOT. Unless you agreed to that. By chance, did you HAPPEN, upon getting into a relationship with him, AGREE that the B O T H of you could fuck other people and that this would not be a monogamous relationship?

If not, he cheated on you and personally, I would not wait around or STAY with an idiot that tells me in so many words

"pat pat honey, its ok that I fucked someone else. You stay over. I love you more. I take you out. Don't you get it? You are my TOP NOTCH on the ladder, these other hos are nothing".

If you want to settle for second best the rest of your life, stay with him. Otherwise leave. It sounds like you have your own place, and he has his, and I did not hear any mentioning of kids.

PLEASE CUT him off NOW. He BASICALLY said to you that you are the fuck that stays over night, hence you are THAT much more important.

Wouldn't you RATHER have a boyfriend who tells you straight up "gee honey, there was this girl hitting on me tonight at the bus/subway/bar, whatever, and I told her NO, because I LOVE YOU, ADMIRE YOU, RESPECT YOU, RESPECT US, and she is NOTHING compared to you?

I think thats what you want. I think that is what we all want.

Please dont let him fool you with the "stupid card" as in "What do you MEAN I cheated? I am JUST NOW telling you that I fuck other women. Big deal. I love you best sweetie".

If he LOVED you, he wouldn't be sticking his penis or time in anyone else but you.

I know you feel destroyed. Trust me. But find something to do for YOU that has nothing to do with him to help your situation and feelings out for a while. And please remember, you were born breathing without him for a reason.

Get the guts to leave him. I hope it wasn't YOUR bed. Nonetheless, the girl knew what she was doing when she left the hair tie. Better to find out now that find out after you marry and have children with him.

Try your hardest to find the strength to leave him. I know it is hard. Get any support you can from friends, family and counselors. I didn't leave and now I live with regret and distrust everyday. It is a horrible way to live!