Okay first off, step back and take in a deep breath. Now ask yourself ultimately what it is you want. Do you want a divorce no matter what? Do you want to work it out? Are you not sure? Get your ducks in a row and confront her. Keep in mind that violence cannot be part of things. I know you're angry and I know you're hurt. Just confront her with the proof and take it from there. We're all here for you. *hugs*

This is over the line for you, that is what you need to know. The question is, is it so far over the line that you need to leave? It's entirely possible that her behavior is flirty, but not unfaithful physically. If this is the tip of the iceberg then that is another story and you have to decide based on what is really going on. But if she wants to stay with you, it has to stop. If she doesn't want to stay or stop, show her the door.

I've a mix of emotions at this point. What I want is to know for sure. I know that I shouldn't come out as accusatory, but kind of aloof - 'Honey, is there something you need to tell me?'...'I think we need to have a talk about us...'

I don't want to step into something I may regret, but how can I NOT meet this head on without the tables being turned on me? I know I am partially to blame in that I have not been the BEST husband in the world, but I've slipped into the 'caretaker' role of the family - the kids are important, money for the bills is important, finishing my degree,....sex, love, cuddling has become a second or third or lower tier in the system of Family that I am involved in...

So it's probably no wonder why she is seeking other male companionship? I've put off paying attention to her and redirected to what I feel is more important.

I'm sorry you're going through this. :( Once I found out, I immediately made an appt with a lawyer. It helped me know the facts about my rights in divorce before I confronted my Husband. I found meeting with the lawyer to be soothing, there was so much anxiety of the unknown. However, those 2 days of knowing the truth and not letting on to my H that I knew, were excruciating. If you think you can deliver an oscar winning performance, then don't let on, and gather more info. I wish you luck. Hang on, you're in for a ride.

Okay, so you be the judge. I made prints of the emails (and pics) between her and I guess an old acquaint. I also printed out the write up of whoever she was thinking of...created some time in March of this year...

Her words:

'All right - I have some time to share...i am going to assume that what you say is true and you do enjoy reading my thoughts so here goes....

I awoke this morning with thoughts of you, and while I was smiling and thinking about how badly I want you I thought about how you cannot have any doubts about how much I would enjoy seeing you sooner than later. I believe I have made that abundantly clear! I go tin the shower...I was washing my hair and basically said to myself that I could drive myself completely crazy constantly trying to figure out a way for us to get together when I have absolutely no control over it whatsoever. Then, at that moment, I had to come to grips with that exact fact; I have no control over it at all. The proverbial ball is totally in your court! As we have established my ability to "get away" is a bit easier than yours, presently. This could have been upsetting, disconcerting, put whatever emotion you want on it, however, then another thought rushed in...you miss me too! You do think about me and if of when the opportunity should arise you would like to be with me too! This, of course, just made me smile all the more. We can't be with one another maybe as much as we would like and it is nice to know, at least from my end that when I am thinking about you and wanting you that just maybe you are doing the came about me? After coming to grips with this revelation, I decided that I shouldn't put so much thought into how or when we will be able to get together rather, know that when it happens I will enjoy every second of that moment, and you, who has control over the "ball" will serve it to my end of the "court" when you are able. Then I will do my part to send it right back, swiftly. A warm feeling came over me at that point, as though i had made peace with a part of myself.

End of the first half....

Part 2

'Then thoughts turned toward the future...a future that is filled with possibilities that I never considered to be out there until you. Which I giggled at because the thought that ran through was this, "Here I have this person who has popped up in my life, who in a very short amount of time has come to know me on an emotional and mental level like no one else, who believes in my abilities and to top it all off the sex is incredible!" (Yes, it was that last thought that made me giggle.) Seriously, so I dreamt a bit...about going to college, about graduating, about going on little excursions to wondrous places with you (and by woundrous I include -place she and he went to- in that description - quite simply you have a way of making everything seem, well, WOW!) So as I said I thought of the future, thoughts of 2017 passed by and then I realized I could enjoy dreaming and thinking about what could be...but somehow I have to get through now. In order to get to the future I must live in the now. How do I get through 'now' when sometimes I don't feel as though I will make it through the next couple of hours? We both know that my spouse -hey, I got mentioned, gee!- is not the most supportive or positive influence in my life and it can have a profound negative affect on me, that being said, I decided I won't let him be a weight or negative influence. I can choose to allow his lack of support of negative "You can't do..." comments to have a negative affect on me or I can choose to dispense with them and succeed! I choose to succeed!

End of her 'memo'

That was hard as F to type - tears hurt too much for this...

One thing you need to not do is make excuses as to why she might have done this. You're blaming yourself. Please don't travel that road. No matter what happened you don't deserve to be cheated on. Maybe you need to get some private time with her and just show her what you found. I wish you much luck.

okay disregard my comment above this one. I was typing that while you posted what you did.. SHe needs to be confronted. You have quite a bit of proof right there. I'm sorry :(

Leftofcenter, Man, your post of her email made me want to vomit, as it was through similar emails I found out about my H just 7 weeks ago. Too familiar. We too, didn't have a great marriage, but I loved him, and would have NEVER cheated on him. I don't mean to sound negative, but welcome to living Hell. The only consolation is, we're all in the same boat and know what you're going through. Crap...

OK, so day two comes back after being awake a whole 24 + hours...long story, but just a regular routine - help get kids to school, workout, fiddle around the house, run errands, go to college, go to work - you know the normal stuff...lol!

Well, get home from that monotony, help get my son on the bus, my wife is there as well. I put it out on the floor that I think we needed to talk. Said I was looking into banking info on her pc. Told her I thought of finally looking into her writings because for a change I figured I'd give a shit about what she writes. Put it bluntly...said I found a writing (the one posted) and asked her forthright if anything has been going on.

Needless to say she took no defensive. She came out and straight said that it was a writing from when things were really awful. Did she act on this little thought that was written down...NO. Had she thought about it...YES. I particularly can't blame her - I have been a shit since coming off our labor strike in January - behind on bills, and even more stress will do that I guess.

I digress, after detailed discussion and more or less a calling out of her 'infidelity' turned out to be simply a tale spun from the soul and put from thought to cyber-paper. I knew my wife could write, but damn near did not see something like this. She felt terrible about the whole issue. So terrible that she couldn't eat the rest of the day until dinner.

She had to teach a signing lesson to the kids at the Elementary school and came back in the afternoon. She woke me from my short and sweet slumber stroking my hair. We talked more, we 'made up' :) , then got ourselves together and got back to family matters as usual. Except we discussed about planning time for US, and better communications so this blind oversight doesn't happen again.

Hopefully, now I can keep to my part and put more of an effort towards being mindful about the US in our marriage and communicate more, as well as complement her, talk about whatever, play cards...just be more of a part of each other. And she will make me aware that what she is writing is pure fiction...but wouldn't mind it if perhaps I could play that mysterious stranger that sweeps her off her feet. I've been able to do it in the past when I was more loose in life...guess I need to get back to that day and age again??

Thank you to all for your consolation for my misguided pouring of my soul and situation. God Bless...

You should continue monitoring the situation closely regardless of what she is saying. very few wayward spouses own up to what they did or are doing when you first ask them. They almost always deny or minimize. Dr. Phil says: If you see one rat you know there are a 100 more hiding in the wall...."
something happened with someone...that wasn't a journal entry to herself.
but,hopefully, now that you called her on it-you may have given her a wake up call. Hopefully, you are right...and it was nothing....

I agree with jrsygrl my wife also told me what I found out was nothing to it. But that was a lie to cover up what she did they lie when caught hoping you don't leave because they are not ready to leave yet or they know it was a mistake and don't want to lose you either way I say watch out something happened to make her write that... those are feeling she was feeling when she wrote it so be strong be careful hope for the best be prepared for the worst and take care of yourself and your feelings I've been there..good luck

I agree... I know want to believe this is true... and I dont blame you for that...but my H did the same exact thing- tell me it was nothing but it WAS something. I hope she is telling you the honest truth and its all a story. Im very happy for you if it is, and what a relief it would be! good luck and best wishes.

I know what you heard from her is what you want to be true, but as a woman, and as a female writer, let me say something: I would not be writing such provocative musings such as that if cheating were not in my mind, in my past, or in my near future.

Basically, I think it has been on her mind. Whether she acted on it, who knows. Just keep an eye on the situation.

Please know that even if she DID cheat on you, it is NOT your fault, nothing YOU did caused it. There is always divorce, not infidelity.

BUT, this statement YOU made

"Told her I thought of finally looking into her writings because for a change I figured I'd give a shit about what she writes."

hurt even me, not as a female, not as a writer, but as a person. I took that statement to mean that you never looked at what your wife writes because you could have given a shit LESS, so you decided to actually give a shit and pay attention to her inner most thoughts.

That.. is slightly important in a marriage.

Good luck to you.

I have been in your situation my husband cheated on me several times, am 10 years younger then him and he thinks he's gods gift, but i also wanted divorce and i still hurt, he doesn't want a divorce and he thinks he owne's me we also have 2 children, a mortgage and 2 cars etc, i think the first thing you should do is talk to your wife and make sure she comes clean about whatever she's doing, and then decide what you want to do after, i also do the finance in our marriage my husband doesn't care and never did for 15 years he likes to be free from decisions and problems, how nice, i carry alot of crap in our marriage actualy i carry him as well, if wasn't for me we wouldn't have our own home i had to get a mortgage or we would be renting until we died, so unfortunatly you got some big decisions to make and am here for you, and i feel for you, its really crap when the person we love cheat on us, i contracted HPV because of my husband, and am so stupid to still be with him but am only with him because of the children, i know its not right but what is, i only ever been with my husband since i was 17 and i never been with anyone else so to get a sexualy transmited diesease from him is really shit and i hate him but he wont give me a divorce, i feel stuck, i seen a psychologist for so many years and in the end she told me that i was still in the same situation as 10 years ago and that i had to make big decisions and i did but my husband doesn't share this decisions, so i feel really crap and hate my life, but you be stronger than me and do what you think is best, take care,xxxxxx