
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
Ok, so life isn't always so happy...
It's been 10 years...not SO peaceful, yet not totally a complete loss of reality either. Not sure of where to begin...
So, I found a letter in my wife's computer...not so much a letter, but a reminiscence upon a time when perhaps she met up with another person...male or female, I am unsure...but the letter reveals much of a desire to be with that person again and thoughts of enjoyment while they were together.
Then I check her sent folder which trails back to March of this past year...nothing too revealing except when I get to a section of emails to an 'old male friend' who is across state. Needless to say the discussion is loopy. Maybe not pillow talk, but suggestive nonetheless. Oh, and has pics of HIM as well...to the point he's stripped to his skivvies showing off his 'fitness'...
Some might say, 'you shouldn't do that', I say bullshirt...if she's blabbing on a pc that is in my house (i maintain all the pc's in my house as well as manage the 'network')...it's fair game.
So how much longer do I play this as cool before I lose my lunch and my mind?? We've got 2 kids in this, a house, cars, we both are presently attending college (Im almost done), mortgages, credit cards, you name it...I am almost tempted to visit a lawyer tomorrow morning.
How the hell do I figure this out? If we get a divorce, who gets what? I'm so freakin' lost in this...not to mention I am trying to right myself from a depression that has plagued me for some time now.
I'm almost to tears in thought of this...any help would be pleasing...thanks!
It's been 10 years...not SO peaceful, yet not totally a complete loss of reality either. Not sure of where to begin...
So, I found a letter in my wife's computer...not so much a letter, but a reminiscence upon a time when perhaps she met up with another person...male or female, I am unsure...but the letter reveals much of a desire to be with that person again and thoughts of enjoyment while they were together.
Then I check her sent folder which trails back to March of this past year...nothing too revealing except when I get to a section of emails to an 'old male friend' who is across state. Needless to say the discussion is loopy. Maybe not pillow talk, but suggestive nonetheless. Oh, and has pics of HIM as well...to the point he's stripped to his skivvies showing off his 'fitness'...
Some might say, 'you shouldn't do that', I say bullshirt...if she's blabbing on a pc that is in my house (i maintain all the pc's in my house as well as manage the 'network')...it's fair game.
So how much longer do I play this as cool before I lose my lunch and my mind?? We've got 2 kids in this, a house, cars, we both are presently attending college (Im almost done), mortgages, credit cards, you name it...I am almost tempted to visit a lawyer tomorrow morning.
How the hell do I figure this out? If we get a divorce, who gets what? I'm so freakin' lost in this...not to mention I am trying to right myself from a depression that has plagued me for some time now.
I'm almost to tears in thought of this...any help would be pleasing...thanks!
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I don't want to step into something I may regret, but how can I NOT meet this head on without the tables being turned on me? I know I am partially to blame in that I have not been the BEST husband in the world, but I've slipped into the 'caretaker' role of the family - the kids are important, money for the bills is important, finishing my degree,....sex, love, cuddling has become a second or third or lower tier in the system of Family that I am involved in...
So it's probably no wonder why she is seeking other male companionship? I've put off paying attention to her and redirected to what I feel is more important.
Her words:
'All right - I have some time to share...i am going to assume that what you say is true and you do enjoy reading my thoughts so here goes....
I awoke this morning with thoughts of you, and while I was smiling and thinking about how badly I want you I thought about how you cannot have any doubts about how much I would enjoy seeing you sooner than later. I believe I have made that abundantly clear! I go tin the shower...I was washing my hair and basically said to myself that I could drive myself completely crazy constantly trying to figure out a way for us to get together when I have absolutely no control over it whatsoever. Then, at that moment, I had to come to grips with that exact fact; I have no control over it at all. The proverbial ball is totally in your court! As we have established my ability to "get away" is a bit easier than yours, presently. This could have been upsetting, disconcerting, put whatever emotion you want on it, however, then another thought rushed in...you miss me too! You do think about me and if of when the opportunity should arise you would like to be with me too! This, of course, just made me smile all the more. We can't be with one another maybe as much as we would like and it is nice to know, at least from my end that when I am thinking about you and wanting you that just maybe you are doing the came about me? After coming to grips with this revelation, I decided that I shouldn't put so much thought into how or when we will be able to get together rather, know that when it happens I will enjoy every second of that moment, and you, who has control over the "ball" will serve it to my end of the "court" when you are able. Then I will do my part to send it right back, swiftly. A warm feeling came over me at that point, as though i had made peace with a part of myself.
End of the first half....
'Then thoughts turned toward the future...a future that is filled with possibilities that I never considered to be out there until you. Which I giggled at because the thought that ran through was this, "Here I have this person who has popped up in my life, who in a very short amount of time has come to know me on an emotional and mental level like no one else, who believes in my abilities and to top it all off the sex is incredible!" (Yes, it was that last thought that made me giggle.) Seriously, so I dreamt a bit...about going to college, about graduating, about going on little excursions to wondrous places with you (and by woundrous I include -place she and he went to- in that description - quite simply you have a way of making everything seem, well, WOW!) So as I said I thought of the future, thoughts of 2017 passed by and then I realized I could enjoy dreaming and thinking about what could be...but somehow I have to get through now. In order to get to the future I must live in the now. How do I get through 'now' when sometimes I don't feel as though I will make it through the next couple of hours? We both know that my spouse -hey, I got mentioned, gee!- is not the most supportive or positive influence in my life and it can have a profound negative affect on me, that being said, I decided I won't let him be a weight or negative influence. I can choose to allow his lack of support of negative "You can't do..." comments to have a negative affect on me or I can choose to dispense with them and succeed! I choose to succeed!
End of her 'memo'
That was hard as F to type - tears hurt too much for this...
Well, get home from that monotony, help get my son on the bus, my wife is there as well. I put it out on the floor that I think we needed to talk. Said I was looking into banking info on her pc. Told her I thought of finally looking into her writings because for a change I figured I'd give a shit about what she writes. Put it bluntly...said I found a writing (the one posted) and asked her forthright if anything has been going on.
Needless to say she took no defensive. She came out and straight said that it was a writing from when things were really awful. Did she act on this little thought that was written down...NO. Had she thought about it...YES. I particularly can't blame her - I have been a shit since coming off our labor strike in January - behind on bills, and even more stress will do that I guess.
I digress, after detailed discussion and more or less a calling out of her 'infidelity' turned out to be simply a tale spun from the soul and put from thought to cyber-paper. I knew my wife could write, but damn near did not see something like this. She felt terrible about the whole issue. So terrible that she couldn't eat the rest of the day until dinner.
She had to teach a signing lesson to the kids at the Elementary school and came back in the afternoon. She woke me from my short and sweet slumber stroking my hair. We talked more, we 'made up' :) , then got ourselves together and got back to family matters as usual. Except we discussed about planning time for US, and better communications so this blind oversight doesn't happen again.
Hopefully, now I can keep to my part and put more of an effort towards being mindful about the US in our marriage and communicate more, as well as complement her, talk about whatever, play cards...just be more of a part of each other. And she will make me aware that what she is writing is pure fiction...but wouldn't mind it if perhaps I could play that mysterious stranger that sweeps her off her feet. I've been able to do it in the past when I was more loose in life...guess I need to get back to that day and age again??
Thank you to all for your consolation for my misguided pouring of my soul and situation. God Bless...
something happened with someone...that wasn't a journal entry to herself.
but,hopefully, now that you called her on it-you may have given her a wake up call. Hopefully, you are right...and it was nothing....
Basically, I think it has been on her mind. Whether she acted on it, who knows. Just keep an eye on the situation.
Please know that even if she DID cheat on you, it is NOT your fault, nothing YOU did caused it. There is always divorce, not infidelity.
BUT, this statement YOU made
"Told her I thought of finally looking into her writings because for a change I figured I'd give a shit about what she writes."
hurt even me, not as a female, not as a writer, but as a person. I took that statement to mean that you never looked at what your wife writes because you could have given a shit LESS, so you decided to actually give a shit and pay attention to her inner most thoughts.
That.. is slightly important in a marriage.
Good luck to you.