I need to write today so I don't sit here at work and cry my eyes out so I hope that's ok. I keep thinking those three words, "why not me?" Why is everyone else I know popping out babies left and right? What have I done that was so bad? Why do people who don't even want a baby popping them out? I'm coming to the realization that I won't be able to adopt ever. I'm fat, I've been on anti-depressants (who hasn't) and our combined income isn't enough to pass these new restrictions on places like China. Nothing seems to be working and there is more pressure than ever for it to work b/c it's my only chance. Am I being punished for something? I am a good person with a big heart. Am I just unlucky? Why can't I have what everyone else arounds me seems to have? Am I never going to have a family? A little girl or boy to take to Gramma's house for Christmas? I can't imagine my life without ever having a baby of my own. I wonder how many years we will continue to try. Does anyone else think this as well...why not me? Thank you for "listening."
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