I'm having a hard time finding Him in this. Today was especially hard. This week was nothing but sadness and frustration I didn't want to go to church today, but I went. My husband was working, so I went alone, hoping to find some comfort. Instead, I found more loneliness. Some days, I utter the platitudes to family and friends, "God has a plan", "I'm okay, God is here with me and He'll never give me more than I can bear", but more and more I just don't believe it. I want to, but I just don't. We had communion today......if I had known that, I probably wouldn't have gone to service. It's all about remembering Jesus sacrifice to save us, to give us life.....that His blood covers our sins. My sins. If that is so true, than why am I being swallowed whole by my past choices, my sins? Why is my heart hurting from thinking of choices I have made in the past, and hurting because I think God is punishing me? Every time I have hope, see hope, feel like things might work out, I'm crushed, again and again. I'm just so sad, you guys. And I don't know where God is. Doesn't He care anymore?
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