There are a lot of things both me and Joe are missing out on. With the first two pregnancies, I took pictures of positive test strip, keep notes, stories about people and how I was feeling, all in a book for the baby. I don't do that anymore. It's too hard when you have to look at that after losing them. We're missing out on the nightly tummy rubs and bedtime stories. We're even missing out on small talk. I stopped myself before I told Joe, that this would be the baby's first Cure concert. This should be fun. This should be sweet. It's just not fair that I'm afraid to do these things for fear of being hurt later. Yes, I am staying as positive as possible. But I really NEED to keep some kind of distance until we know for sure if we can keep it. If not, I just won't be able to do it again. I know the world isn't fair, but does it have to be so cruel?
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