Yesterday I found out my beta was just over 90 at day 15 (my first test was on day 12 and was 39.5). With that result came the warning about ectopic and the lecture on "being cautious." I am angry because this whole IF battle is robbing me of my right as a woman of experiencing the best days of my life. The day you find out you are pregnant should be nothing but elation and happiness. Confirmation that you are pregnant should result in a fancy dinner and picking out baby names. Instead, I am full of rage because my BFP is being stolen from me. I should be able to wake up one day, realize I am a week past AF, take a test on a fluke and be shocked. I should be able to put my feet on the floor one morning and experience morning sickness. Go to work eating saltines. I should be able to sit at home on the couch with my hand on my belly knowing our little pumpkin is growing. Instead I am terrified my number tomorrow will be lower or just plain not high enough. I have to worry that I will suddenly experience shoulder pain, fainting, excessive bleeding, bursting of a tube. I am angry. None of this is fair. We are being cheated and it makes me very sad. I don't know how to feel better.
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