How do you think you would feel at the shower? If you think you will be ok and can get through the day then I would say go ahead but if you think it will be too hard and you might break down in the middle of the shower, I say send a gift! I declined a co-workers shower because I was nervous about breaking down ( I am the kind of person who cannot hide my emotions) but I guess it is harder to decline a shower invitation if the guest of honor is your sister. Good luck with your decision!

Is there space that you could go to for privacy if you needed to get away?

I went to my cousins baby shower and it helped that there was a quiet room I could escape to away from the party when I need space. Actually, I played some PS2 with her older son and we had fun.

I tried to avoid too much of the "happy" baby talk by tuning people out. Relaxing off to the side by myself or changing the topic to something more neutral away from "baby stuff."

I did stay for the gift opening since my cousin asked my to take photos. I'm a photographer so I was able to throw myself into the photography where I can "escape" behind the lens.

COuld you do something like that? Also, maybe just make an early appearance, wish your sister all the best and then leave before the worst of the crowd arrives.

I think you have to gage your feelings the morning of the shower. Are you feeling vulnerable? Positive? Like a basket case? And go from there. If you decide to go as soon as you feel the twinge coming on that you can't hold it together any longer get the heck outta dodge even if you don't say goodbye to everyone. Speaking from experience- started to go over the edge, went to say goodbye and ended up blowing it.

i think you should go the shower. I know how hard it can be. I am currenlty planning and hosting a baby shower for my younger sister. It was hard in the being but i am happy to be an aunt, i figured if i dont have my own kids at least i will a nephew who i can have a great relationship with. It is your decission, but i think you should go. Good luck with whatever you decide.

That's a tough one. My sister is pregnant too and I went to her baby shower a month ago. It was nice to see my sister get the things she needs for my niece. Was I upset that it wasn't me? You bet. I was the first born granddaughter on both sides. I am used to being the first. I was the first to graduate college, get married and I thought have a baby. I was way wrong.

In short, it's hard to watch, but I did it because my sister is my family and for us, you do and stand up for family.

This in no way means you need to go. I am really close to my sister. Since you are not close to your sister, do you feel that she would go to your baby shower if you had one? You might want to think about that too. Let us know how you make out!

Hey there girlie! I think you should go. I've never lost a child, but I do know the hurt of another family member being pregnant. It's not an easy thing to hear, much less deal with. Look on the positive side. You could be forming a much stronger bond with your sister, and her unborn child.

When I was in my hometown this past Aug., I SWORE that I wouldn't hold my nephews newborn son. It was just too difficult. When my nephew brought that little fella over, I found that my heart wouldn't dare let me refuse. I held him for a good 20 min. When the emotions built up WAY to strong, I handed him over to my Mom, then fled to DH and cried.

A couple of months later, I was told that the little guy had a heart defect. I was so ashamed, of feeling jealous over the pregnancy and the existence of that tiny precious life. I try very hard, to not let those feelings encompass me. It's never easy and I pray alot.

Yes, I too get the "bad karma" thing. I've gotten it from my DH, his Mom, and alot of other people. As I've stated in a previous post to another member: I would rather have people tell me that they will pray for DH and I, then pat me on the head and say, when the time is right it'll happen. So my friend, I pray for you.

Attend if you feel you are able. If not, why don't you take the gift, and give it in person, to your Sis? Again, it might strengthen the bond. Good luck and prayers are being sent your way! Hugs too.

How would you feel if you were pregnant and expecting a baby and she refused to come to your shower for a personal reason? I think that while it may be difficult, many things in life are tough, and those things make you more resilient. If you don't go to the shower, it's not like it will help you have a baby, but it will be hurtful to your sister who supported you. I think you should make the effort to support her in return. Good luck!

It is ultimately up to you. I would go. I went to my cousins a few weeks ago. She got pregnant her first IVF attempt. My BF is pregnant too and I know I will not only go to hers but will probably help plan it. It is hard though. I did excuse myself briefly from my cousins b/c I was sad. Someone said the same thing to me about "karma."

What if you go and if you feel overwhelmed, you leave. I am sure she would be so happy that you at least made an attempt.
What ever you decide, I wish you the best.

I SAY GO AND IF YOU GETS TO BE TOO MUCH JUST LEAVE SAYING YOUR SICK . I DONT ATTEND MANY EITHER BUT ITS YOUR SISTER SO I WOULD TRY AND GO

It seems the general consensus is I should gobut to answer a question(s)
The baby shower is going to be out our mom's bed & breakfast so there really isn't any place to "escape" to.

I dont think that I am going to break down, but I just have a feeling of dread going. The last shower I went to I was miserable the entire time (7 yrs ago). It isnt that Im not happy for her as this is her 4th (I have 18 nieces and nephews on my side of the family alone).

So, if I do go then how do I explain that to my other sisters when Ive passed on their baby showers for the past 7 years?

That is a tough one also. Are your sisters the type to compare? Do you think they remember? If you think they would compare, could you talk to them and tell them you are sorry you didn't feel ready when they had their showers...& even say you are unsure of being at this one? I don't know. I think they should all be understanding about it. You have been waiting for so long. They have to at least be able to imagine how hard that would be! Best wishes to you in whatever you decide to do. Another option is to write your sister a letter telling her your feelings. If you let her know what it meant to you when she stuck up for you, and told her that if it were any other kind of party for her you would be there. Just that it is hard to see all the little baby things and hear all the talk of baby--and wonder if it will ever happen to you. I would think she would understand.

Hm. It's a pickle. I always say being up front and honest is best. Tell your sisters that you feel you'd like to try to go to a baby shower again. I would think they will be happy you have you join up again.

You guys are awesome. I really appreciate the advice and support.

I have decided to go for at least 30 minutes to make an appearance. To make things easier or less uncomfortable, I have enlisted the help of my wonderful husband. He is going to go with me as my partner in crime.

He's pretty attimate about the bad karma thing, so he gets to help fix it! He really is a good sport and doesn't have a problem going. I haven't asked my sister, but I'm pretty sure she'll understand and will enjoy having him there. He has quite the sense of humor and will keep things light and fun.

You should go and be happy for your sister. I know it is extremely hard but somehow you need to separate your emotions. I was just recently at a shower for one of my friends which I didn't have a prblm going. However, I think every single girl there was either PG or just recently gave birth. That was the worst part. But I still didn't let that interfere with being happy for my friend. Also went to the chistening and same prego friends were there. It sucks, but like the old cliche, its easier to love then hate.

What about going out with your sister seperately to give her the gift and maybe take her to lunch? That way you wouldn't have to be around 50 people who only want to talk about babies, but you would still get time in with your sister.