
Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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So back in January my DH was diagnosed with IF - low sperm count. Through a lot of tests we found out he has good ones but only about five million. He is turning 30 in three weeks and I am 25 - we have been together for six years and married for two. Since the diagnoses I have felt a huge range of emotions but the one that has stuck with me is anger toward him. I have been unable to make this anger go away and ti kills me inside. I keep saying to myself that I could go off and be with someone else and get pregnant very easily but no, I'm 25 and dealing with REs and IUIs and all this crap. I feel so guilty because I am not this person and I don't even tell him that I am angry at him because I know it is not his fault. I don't know what to do. It is such a struggle to deal with this new person that I have to be - I think that it might have been easier if the problem was with me. Does anyone else has this problem - this anger at their IF partner? Am I a bad wife?
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My DH and I just found out recently that he has a very low count as well of only 1.3 million. My Dr. gave us a 1% chance to conceive on our own and a 6% chance with IUI. He said our best bet was IVF but my DH is completely against IVF for the $$ factor. So he agreed to try IUI.
I am disappointed and at times frustrated. I have so far been able to keep myself in check so I have not gotten angry but if my DH won't budge on IVF if these IUI's don't work then that could become an issue.
Have you gone to a urologist to have your DH checked to see if anything can be done? I'm in the process of getting my DH there right now. Good luck and I hope things turn around for you soon!
But, our second IVF cycle failed b/c DF had zero motility the day of ER and none of the eggs fertilized.
I was very angry. I can't even fully express how angry and disappointed I was. Usually when we feel anger we need to direct it towards someone. I probably started to direct it towards DF, but then realized it was not "him" I was angry with but more the IF. I needed to remind myself of that from time to time. It can be hard to be angry with something you can't actually see. But, how can I be angry with DF when he has/had no control over it. So I painted a picture in my mind of IF and that is where I put my anger.
I also try to remember that when we got involved we knew I had problems and would more then likely need IVF. We were not aware of his issues. What if he had walked away from me b/c he did not want to deal with it? How would I have felt?
We make a decision to be with someone for better or worse. Some times the worse really sucks, but together you can get through it.
Maybe you could try buying a cheap pillow and writing "IF" on it or something like that. When ever you get angry, grab the pillow and beat the crap out of it. May sound silly, but could help get out your feelings and frustrations.
I wish you the best of luck!
now on to my TRUE story. my husband was diagnosed with low count, terrible morphology and low motility in 2004.
we immediately went to IUI. we went to an adoption seminar a weekend, DH wasn't ready to go that route. i supported him - he said that he wanted us to try with IUI first and see what happened.
on our 3rd IUI we got pregnant with our son and i delivered him in 2005. one of his friends told me on the sly that what he admired most about our experience is that i NEVER once made him feel badly about his issue because he felt bad enough, but that i supported him in everything that we did... because we were in this TOGETHER!
i always thought of it this way... how would i want to be treated if the tables were turned and it were me. i struggled with a chronic health condition that wasn't properly diagnosed for 3 years, teh early part of our marriage. and my DH took WONDERFUL care of me for that many years. adn it was so early on in our marriage... he really rose to the occasion.
NOW... here's the clincher... remember what i said about how i would want to be treated if the table's were turned.
we started trying last fall for our second... started with simple clomid and IUIs which is how we got pregnant with our son in 2005. AND...
it turns out that i have high FSH, which means that i am running out of eggs and it has been difficult for us to conceive again.
BUT... with injectables and IUIs we have managed to get pregnant twice. once that ended in a miscarriage on xmas day adn i am currently 6 weeks pregnant.
my point is... i have never felt any resentment from him. take this time to pull together. support one another... and with some hope and faith, hopefully it will turn out well.
do not feel bad about your feelings... just refocus them... you are mad at the IF not your DH.
blessings to you!