I don't think your a bad person or wife, I just think your being honest and looking for a way to deal with all of this.

My DH and I just found out recently that he has a very low count as well of only 1.3 million. My Dr. gave us a 1% chance to conceive on our own and a 6% chance with IUI. He said our best bet was IVF but my DH is completely against IVF for the $$ factor. So he agreed to try IUI.

I am disappointed and at times frustrated. I have so far been able to keep myself in check so I have not gotten angry but if my DH won't budge on IVF if these IUI's don't work then that could become an issue.

Have you gone to a urologist to have your DH checked to see if anything can be done? I'm in the process of getting my DH there right now. Good luck and I hope things turn around for you soon!

You're not a bad person, it's just so much to deal with. We have the flip side...although we have to use ICSI our problem is mostly my eggs...and believe me, your DH probably feels some guilt (as I do). But...I know many women on here who have male factor only and easily conceive with IVF (true, a HUGE step) but at least it can be fixed. And hopefully you will not even have to get that far! Good luck!

I do not believe you are a bad wife. Your feelings are normal. We have male and female factors, so I think that helps in some ways.

But, our second IVF cycle failed b/c DF had zero motility the day of ER and none of the eggs fertilized.
I was very angry. I can't even fully express how angry and disappointed I was. Usually when we feel anger we need to direct it towards someone. I probably started to direct it towards DF, but then realized it was not "him" I was angry with but more the IF. I needed to remind myself of that from time to time. It can be hard to be angry with something you can't actually see. But, how can I be angry with DF when he has/had no control over it. So I painted a picture in my mind of IF and that is where I put my anger.

I also try to remember that when we got involved we knew I had problems and would more then likely need IVF. We were not aware of his issues. What if he had walked away from me b/c he did not want to deal with it? How would I have felt?

We make a decision to be with someone for better or worse. Some times the worse really sucks, but together you can get through it.

Maybe you could try buying a cheap pillow and writing "IF" on it or something like that. When ever you get angry, grab the pillow and beat the crap out of it. May sound silly, but could help get out your feelings and frustrations.

I wish you the best of luck!

first off... i know it's hard and i am sorry that you have to deal with this.

now on to my TRUE story. my husband was diagnosed with low count, terrible morphology and low motility in 2004.

we immediately went to IUI. we went to an adoption seminar a weekend, DH wasn't ready to go that route. i supported him - he said that he wanted us to try with IUI first and see what happened.

on our 3rd IUI we got pregnant with our son and i delivered him in 2005. one of his friends told me on the sly that what he admired most about our experience is that i NEVER once made him feel badly about his issue because he felt bad enough, but that i supported him in everything that we did... because we were in this TOGETHER!

i always thought of it this way... how would i want to be treated if the tables were turned and it were me. i struggled with a chronic health condition that wasn't properly diagnosed for 3 years, teh early part of our marriage. and my DH took WONDERFUL care of me for that many years. adn it was so early on in our marriage... he really rose to the occasion.

NOW... here's the clincher... remember what i said about how i would want to be treated if the table's were turned.

we started trying last fall for our second... started with simple clomid and IUIs which is how we got pregnant with our son in 2005. AND...

it turns out that i have high FSH, which means that i am running out of eggs and it has been difficult for us to conceive again.

BUT... with injectables and IUIs we have managed to get pregnant twice. once that ended in a miscarriage on xmas day adn i am currently 6 weeks pregnant.

my point is... i have never felt any resentment from him. take this time to pull together. support one another... and with some hope and faith, hopefully it will turn out well.

do not feel bad about your feelings... just refocus them... you are mad at the IF not your DH.

blessings to you!

P.S. my FSH has been so high, that we are NOT candidates for IVF... so that's what i struggled with... because of me... that wasn't even an option on the table anymore.

I understand your feelings, although I do not have the anger towards my DH. We were told we have an almost zero chance of having kids without IVF. Neither of us feel that IVF is for us, it is so invasive and so much to go through, with no guarantee of a baby in the end. My DH feels bad enough, I hate that this is happening to us, but we will deal with it. I feel lucky that we have each other, even if we never have kids, we will ALWAYS have each other, and that gets me through these hard times. It is hard on your DH too, so try not to play the blame game. Life is too short, embrace it and each other. IF is sooo hard and depressing, you really need each other to rely on. So, go kiss honey and tell him how much you love him.

I really appreciate what everyone has said - it has helped me to sort out my own thoughts. I just wanted everyone to know that I have never shared this anger with my husband because of how guilty I feel and I know it is not his fault. I think more than anything it is so hard because he does not show any emotion about it whatsoever and rarely wants to talk about it. Maybe that is more of where my anger is coming from because I try to support him and tell him it is our problem, something we are going through together but he constantly says that it is his problem and so we each just deal with it on our own. We have our first RE appointment on Thursday evening - it was Tuesday morning but we got bumped for someone's egg retrieval. I am just hoping for some good news and to see some sort of emotion from him so I don't feel so alone in dealing with this problem.

i would convey to him that this is a problem that you both have... you are a team... when one of you hurts so does the other. isn't that what your wedding vows were about... good time and bad. facing the world from the same vantagepoint looking outwardly - together?