Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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deleted_user 11/30/2007

Ladies,
Im a bit confused with this one...... I love my hubby dearly and he knows how much I want an addition to the family. This morning after my Lupron shot, I told him that we have 18 days til our ER!!! Now to start, we are NOT rolling in money BUT are not hurting financially BUT he is VERY nervous about spending $8000 for the process right before Xmas!!! I totally understand him and the concerns with the money. And he said with hesitation, " Cant we postpone this until after the new year"? NOW ladies, once we get on the ball with the calendar, shots, drs appts, bloodwork/ultrasound, who WANTS to say, OK I'll hold off? I feel a bit selfish BUT at the same time, I WANT THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!!! Yes, I have started Lupron, BCP for almost a long 3weeks and hopefully can start stim on Thursday!!!

I dont know what I should do. Do I "sweet talk" and reassure him that the money shouldn't be an issue? We decided not to exchange gifts for Xmas, just focus on our 10yr old BUT then I was hit with "hold off" this morning!!!!

Did any of the DH go through the money issues?

deleted_user 11/30/2007

Sounds like it's a little late to start that to me, if you've already started lupron shots... My husband was very supportive -- it was a very equal decision to more forward -- and our opinion has always been that there is no better way to spend money than to try to have kids. Hopefully you can talk through things with him and find out if that is really the issue, or is he getting worried about the whole procedure.

deleted_user 11/30/2007

Hubby is VERY nervous when it comes to spending $10 dollars, hahaha...... He is needless to say, a penny saver! If he could take money to his grave, he would! Like I stated, we do have to pay for the process 1 wk before Xmas and I understand that he is a bit hesitant.

Dont know how other states work with the outta pocket med expenses but PA allows you to claim ANY outta pocket expenses during tax season. Speaking to our accountant, she assured me that we would get at least 75% of what we spent back. So I will let you know how I make out after me and the hubby do lunch..... Wish me luck......I know he will have different words this afternoon.

scubagal 11/30/2007

Hi niece3297, It is a little late for him to suggest putting this off. I think it is hard for any man to fully understand our (women) actual NEED for the maternal experience. Mayabe if he read a few of the posts on this site, he might understand that it is not just you who is so anxious, but we are all in the same boat with you. It sounds like your hubby is just a little nervous about the timing with the holidays and all, but I'm sure if you talk it out things will work out fine. He may still not fully understand what this means to you, but hopefully he will accept that and just continue being supportive. Hang in there - things will be fine. And GOOD LUCK!!!

deleted_user 11/30/2007

Mine went through it and after told me it was because he was nervous. I would think if you already did the BCP and started Lupron then you are in the process. I would hate to have to see you go through all that again.
It is up to the two of you what you decide, but I would try and have him continue with what you started.
Good luck with what ever happens!

deleted_user 11/30/2007

Thanks for being here for shoulders to lean on. I think this site has eased much stress off and Im glad that we all can relate......
But just got back from lunch and hubby is just nervous with the holidays, he was laid off yesterday, we have a house that we are trying to sell(the market is pretty rough right now) so he is feeling the stress of ALL that is going on then to throw IVF in, I think was too much for him to process @ 8:30am!! Nevertheless, we are STILL on board for ER on 12/17, YIPPY!!!! So happy. Thanks for the support!

deleted_user 11/30/2007

That is a lot to be stessed about. But I am sure all will work out. I am really happy you will be moving forward with the cycle this month. Good Luck! :-)

turtlegirl 11/30/2007

Perhaps a good whack to the side of the head?!?

deleted_user 11/30/2007

My husband is not a cheapie-that's me, BUT-the way thinks work best in my house is for me to make things seem like HIS idea...i.e.-"I can see why you would be nervous. But, if we do it this year, we will get a great tax break/return in the next few months. Then, we can exchange gifts, if you want. Also, I already took some of the meds....we will have to pay for them again if we stop now. What do you think, hon?" THEN-if he still disagrees, I go another route to try to prove my point, and get my way. I know it's somewhat manipulative, but I find it more peaceful than a standoff. Good Luck to you.

deleted_user 11/30/2007

I am glad you are on track again. I can see why your DH was panicking though. It sounds like you guys have a lot coming at you at once. Good luck this cycle!!

deleted_user 11/30/2007

DH is a mason w/the union so they get laid off for a day or so until the next project is lined up so work for him will come sometime next week! Thank god I work b/c I would not be going through this process. But all is well and cant wait to get to the next phase......

deleted_user 11/30/2007

I konw the issue with money is very hard. My Dh and I are now $18,000.00 in debt from trying. We both want this so bad so the money will be there when we need it. We figured if we have to sacrafice a little than ok. Try and talk to your DH and see if that helps. Is putting it off really going to save money?

deleted_user 11/30/2007

Colleen,
WOW! Im lost for words with that price. But I hear of people spending $30K even more to get pg!!! Now, if I had the "money tree" in the yard, I would try every month is need be, hahaha.
We DID decide that if things dont work this time, we will rest for a bit, enjoy each other and our daughter, go on a honeymoon that we NEVER had. I mean, we are still young, 28 and DH is 26. Right now we are trying to get established with real estate, trying to make our lives at 45 enjoyable! Laying the foundation early is what our goal is ALONG with 1 more addition or 2!!!

deleted_user 11/30/2007

i hear ya. and feel for ya. i would def. only buy this year for your child. tell him that you hear him and fully understand but the chance is here so it is fair to say that you both should go for it.

deleted_user 11/30/2007

gifts are not important.
i would hate to stop once i started. sweet talk him. men get nervous its our job to hold them together.

deleted_user 11/30/2007

I had a similar situation when my DH gave me my first shot. I think more than anything it is pure nervousness and anxiety on their part. I simply told my DH, "No, we can't hold off. I have been thru so much testing, poking and proding, and now shots. We are not waiting." I had to tell him how emotionally draining this all is on me, not just the financial aspect that was bothering him so much. He soon understood my point of view and agreed it is what we had been working on for so long. Be honest with him, he is in this too, maybe not to the extent that you are, but he is just the same. Good luck to you and you DH and may you be blessed with a very sccessful cycle!

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