Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Losing Hope..negative feelings

deleted_user
deleted_user
I go to my RE tomorrow for the third time in a week to check the size of my eggs so we know when our next IUI will be. I had problems stimulating follicle growth and ovulating, but since letrozole and brevile I have had 1-3 eggs every IUI. This one coming up will be my 5th and my DH and I have decided to only do 6. My DH unfortunatly has a low sperm count and post wash for our inseminations we only had 1-5mm to work with. Our RE said they have gotten pregnancys with a least 1mm but also said he thinks it's the low count is causing us not to get pregnant since each time has been a failuer. We can't afford IVF and emotinally couldn't go through it right now, so next month is the end of the road for us. I know miracles happen and everyone seems to have a story of someone they know who couldn't have children and it magically happened. But call it womens intuituion or maybe just a bad attitude, I feel that it's just not going to happen to us. Is my negative feelings holding us back? Do I dare hope for something I have no control over and risk the devesting emotions when it dosen't happen? I feel like praying and hoping for it is only going to make it harder to handle the reality of it not happening, but I also don't want to wonder if my negative feeling held us back. Please share your thoughts or feelings, so often only the success stories are shared. How do all of you deal with all the negative feelings.
deleted_user
deleted_user
im sorry but i dont have any experiences along these lines to share with you, but i know how hard it is to want your own child and not be able to. Its easy to always think of the negatives as they stare right out at us, but I always try to fnd some positive out of it, its not always easy but one thing is that me and hubbie are so much closer now and are planning our future with adoption, but when its right for us. Im sorry you are in this situation and am thinking of you xxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think positive thoughts are a good thing, of course, but I don't think that negative thoughts keep you from getting pregnant. If that logic held true then all the people with unwanted pregnancies would be able to will them away, too. Don't beat yourself up for not getting your hopes up, it's a coping mechanism. As far as handling all the negative feelings, we just take everything one day at a time, we keep trying to do lots of fun things as a couple (especially things we know we couldn't do easily with kiddos in tow) etc. Good luck!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My DH has low sperm count too and we only attempted 1 IUI which failied. RE says less then 20 mil, its not worth it, so we are moving on to IVF. This was not an easy decision since DH was dead against it b/c of $ & no guarantee. Talk about negative feelings, I have them. It took me a long time to concince DH to go for IVF. We have ins, but its only enough to cover 1 round. So, the way I try to stay positive is to not interrupt the wonderful life we had, and still will have with or w/o a baby. We have our 1 "fun night" a week, work on the house, do what ever we want, when we want to. WIth kids you can't do that. Not saying its an alternative, but it keeps my spirits up. Ironically, I look forward so much to our fun night now, where b4 I took it for granted.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry you are having a hard time. Even if you can't afford or want the emotional turmoil of IVF, you are young and have time to deal with those emotions and save money. You would have a very good chance with IVF/ICSI given your age, but I understand your reasons for not wanting/not being able to go that route yet. Take care and know we are here for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm very sorry that things aren't working out for you right now. IVF is certainly an emotional and financial burden. Although there is nothing easy about being young when trying to deal with infertility, the one silver lining to your age is that you have time to recover from all of your efforts and perhaps get to a point where IVF is something that you could consider, since you would be a great candidate otherwise.

Good luck with your cycle, and hopefully you won't need IVF. Baby dust to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm with you! I feel the same way...wanting to stay positive, but afraid of the disappointment when it doesn't happen. I get lots of encouragement from my & DH's family because they want it so bad for us. Everyone is religious and everyone has something positive to say, but sometimes, even that doesn't help. We've all been praying like crazy for a BFP, but like you, my DH has low count & low motility. We also can't afford IVF, but have not yet reached the point of IUI, which I'm not looking forward to b/c I am in mega debt! I don't know how to deal with the negative thoughts & feelings myself, other than to pray alot and hold on to the thought that GOD has a plan for us and he will make it happen in his own time when he thinks it's right. And, if it doesn't happen one way or another, then maybe that is what his plan was...and believe me, that is truly hard to swallow! Sometimes I just get sick of this pregnancy roller coaster and want to give up too (every other day!)The only thing that has brought my hopes up lately is my baby neice who is 4 mos old. Holding her lately has been giving me a sense of renewed faith that I don't know how long it will last, but I'm going to ride it for a bit longer. I pray that you will find something that will help to renew your faith too, or give you peace...whichever you choose. xoxoxoxox
deleted_user
deleted_user
SORRY YOU ARE FEELING SO DOWN BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK POSITIVELY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. IF NOT YOU WILL LET IT TAKE OVER YOU LIFE AND YOU DO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT . I REALLY HOPE IT HAPPENS FOR YOU AND THINK SOMEDAY IT WILL . IF NOT WITH IUI THEN ON ITS OWN. I TOO DONT THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IVF FINACIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY . I WISH YOU THE BEST AND PRAY THAT IT WORKS FOR YOU THIS TIME. GOOD LUCK .
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel! You want to be positive but it is soo hard too escpecially when in the midst of treatments. I always get really negative and think the same thing "that this is not going to happen for us" and then freak out that my negative energy is the reason why it isn't working. I have beeen praying a lot lately. I have been praying that God gives me the strength to deal with this and to help me understand that he has a plan for me and maybe right now it is hard for me to understand what that is. Praying has helped lift my spirits and get past the negative feelings. Talking to the women on her have helped me deal with my negative feelings too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm in the same boat, the whole "getting really negative and thinking the same thing "that this is not going to happen for us" and then freak out that my negative energy is the reason why it isn't working". I have really felt that this month. Havent said out loud yet that I really dont think it worked, and its so hard to when so many people are pulling for us, so I feel like now its not only OUR dissapointment, they share it too, but I know I couldnt go through it alone. Having our family and friends know and supporting us helps us get through. I try to turn to prayer, but some days i wonder where my prayers have been going the last 4 years.
JulesH123
JulesH123
With my first IUI, I got my hopes up and when it failed it was a big emotional let down. It affected every aspect of my life. Since then, I have tried to be positive but after the first IUI I told myself that I couldn't go through that with every IUI I did. So I understand trying to control your emotions in order to cope with the pain when it doesn't work. I don't think having negative thoughts affects whether or not you become pregnant but I think having positive thoughts are a good thing. I try to do other things like work and hobbies so I don't worry so much about having a baby.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry you are going through all of this. I believe all of us here feel like you do at one time or another. I can say I have for sure.
I also soemetimes think my negativity will keep me from getting pregnant. I do believe that the more relaxed and at peace you are, maybe the easier it would be, BUT there are plently of women who get pregnant while under a lot of stress.
I think it is self preservation, or a way to protect ourselves from the pain of getting a BFN.
But either way it is going to hurt. And it is crazy to think we could stay totally relaxed when going through all of this plus the added hormones they give us.
I did one, two day IUI cycle but both times his count was under 1mm so they went back to IVF.
I do believe there is hope for you b/c it only takes ONE good swimmer to get you the BFP.
I am praying this cycle is THE cycle for you! God Bless!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank all of you so much for your thoughts and kind words. It's talking to you wonderful women that help me get through this. I will try and keep my chin up along with all of you. But despite a BFP or not remember we are all amazing women and a baby will not change that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
o wow its such a hard thing to be going through and we all know that. everyones journey is different but i would urge you to never give up hope, because what is life without it? god bless and baby dust to you x
deleted_user
deleted_user
If there's one thing I've learned with this infertility, is anything is possible and there is no exact science! My friend did IVF after 6 years of trying (male factor, low sperm) and they had twins. Well guess what- they are 27 months old and their brother was born 2 months ago! They got pregnant on their own! I think patience is the biggest factor with this. I commend you that you had the courage to go through this many IUI's. We did 2, but we only had like 600K and didn't have much faith. Luckily though our insurance paid for 1 IVF and we're about done with it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in a similar place right now. On our last IUI and facing the devestating possibility of never having children. I am not sure what to tell you about how to deal with it...just know that you are not alone. There are a lot of us and we are here for you.
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