
Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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i am starting IVF in 1 week and i can't get any peace of mind with what happens to the embys that we don't use. i know that i can donate them to other couples but what do i do with the fact that i may end up having kids out there that i will never know. i never hear people talking about this and i truely believe that life begins at conception- so am i essentially creating life only to "get rid" of the leftovers? please help b/c this is the only part that i am not comfortable with.
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But, not all embryos are good enough to be frozen. It depends, if you are doing a 3 or 5 days transfer. In my 2 cycles, I did a 5 days transfer and my doctor wants to froze blast only (5/6 days embryos). and none of my "left over" embryos reached this stage. I always ended up transfering all the blasts I have. (2 in cycle one and 1 in cycle two)
Just for your peace of mind, if your embryos are not developping right to be at the blast stage after 5/6 days, it means they are not strong enough and will never make a baby.
I know it is heart breaking, when I talk about my embryos I always call them my/our babies and it really hurts to know that most of them will be "discarded" by the lab...
I felt my childres died when they put to embryos in me that did not make it and I felt that way about the other embryos not suitable for use. My RE told me once that many women concieve and never know it because the embryo is never strong enough to make it or implant. The only reason so many of us know about chemical pregnancies is because we test so early due to the fertility treatments.
I can't say for sure if the embryos we do not use would make it to be a baby or not. I do know they could not be frozen or I would of done that.
But I don't really know how you come to terms with it. I guess each of us is different and needs to make peace with it on our own.
I would rather use the eggs of someone I dont know because then I dont have to worry about someone thinking that my baby is really their baby.
just imagine the gift your could give someone. You would not be abandoning your children by any means. You would be giving them a chance at life with another women who like you has had trouble having a child who would cherish that child as you would, what an AWESOME gift to have the power to give.
If I have to use donar eggs I may never know the real mother... but i would be forever thankful for the women who gave me the gift of life... you can do that and I think that is awesome!
Just because they fertilize, doesn't mean that they will continue to grow and develop. Just like if they fertilized in your belly the natural way. If they are not sustainable, they either don't implant or you miscarry.
Don't worry about something you don't even know if you will have to deal with in the first place. There is enough stress associated with IVF to worry about.
I truely feel God had a plan for my embies and that is why he took care of the two we didn't transfer. We didn't destroy them, God just took them back.
Good Luck.
I thought my DH would have a problem with donating them but he was all for it. He said we've relied on so many others for support and help. He'd prefer the chance of a family being created than destroying such a precious opportunity.
Hope I've given you another way of thinking about it.
Whatever you end up doing - I wish you all the best.