Today is my three year wedding anniverasry. I've know for several days that the cycle of clomid didn't work, but I guess I was still desperately hanging on somewhere deep inside. I was hoping that I could wake up today, get a positive HPT, and surprise my DH. Well, that didn't happen. Now as I think about it, there have been several occasions that have passed us by that I had this exact feeling of disappointment. Last xmas I thought for sure it would happen. Also I was hoping on DH's b-day, my b-day, valentines day, and all the other holidays and special occasions... It's just that it hasn't happened, again. I know the day I get a BFP will be special enough, but I just can't help thinking what if it never happens? I just really want to believe that it will happen but it's harder and harder to find comfort when it doesn't. I don't want to give up but I don't want to keep reliving this moment either. Every time I think I need a break, I painc at the last second by telling myself "what if this is the month and you miss it"? I think I'm just burnt out.
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