I have been ttc for 19 months. I ask myself what is worse: Type 1 diabetes or infertility. I still have not decided. What I have decided is this: I am no longer willing to spend $1500/month on infertility treatments. Even if I was willing to try the gonadotropins, I cannot afford them. My body is not meant to conceive, cannot conceive, will not conceive. I have wanted children my whole life and am now prepared to live with this huge hole in my life, this unfulfilled dream. I have been strong for so long, fighting the depression and frustration to the best of my ability, but I am giving up the fight. It is time to break down, to stop being strong, to accept what is and is not possible. Yes I am disappointed in myself. I am a counselor and spend my working days helping other people stay strong. I will keep doing that, and I encourage all of you not to follow this poor example, to keep trying to get pregnant b/c it may work for you. I am holding out hope for all of you. I am just completely out of hope for myself.
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