I know that point oh to well. I get there everytime AF arrives. I want a baby, a family so bad it hurts. You are happy with your son, but you would like to increase your family. You don't need to feel guilty for that.

As far as your job, that's tough. Will it make you happy to accept it and keep your mind a little busy? Sometimes, promotions aren't at the best timing and you might need to really think about it.

That whole as soon as you stop trying you'll get pg, don't believe it. I stopped actively ttc for about a year and nada, nothing!!! But, the break did help me calm down and enjoy life a little. Now, I'm back trying not to get as crazy. I'm just moving along in ART procedures and hoping it works. Are you going IVF now?

Good Luck girl and Hang in there...you can do this!

Thank you for your response Chrissy. I think I just hit a low point. I am supposed to begin IUI as soon as AF arrives. Since my vacation in Europe my entire system is a mess. I am dramatic. I have not even started the process but when I read 4th IUI, 2nd IVF, 4 years of trying, I just can't imagine.

There are many things I have not tried. I have only exhausted the commercial products not the scientific stuff.

Regarding the promotion I have asked for a month to think about it and they agreed.

I feel better already. There is a ray of hope peeking through.

I can only speak from my experience. SO I hope I do not offend you with the advice that I am about to give. I TOTALLY understand the desire to have another child. I too have a 4 year old son (infertility baby). When he was 2 years old we went back to the rat race of trying to conceive. 10 procedures later and no baby I had to take a break! We took a year and a half off from any and all treatments. It honestly was the best year and a half. We were a family again that was not living by the calendar. After taking some time for myself and for my family, I am ready once again to enter the rat race. Hopefully this go round we will have better success. We are in the process of beginning an IVF round. SOOOO what I am saying, is that sometimes taking a break is a good thing to do. I have total faith in God that we will be given another child! And I have a renewed energy about it all.

Hang in there and do what's right for you and your family. A break is not a bad thing. Keep the faith. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and Laugh,
Kristen

I have no smart advice or experience. I just wanted to say I relate sooo completely to what you are describing about wanting to be free of it all and the conflict with work. It really does become JUST TOO MUCH sometimes. I just breifly went thru a short spell of kind of giving up on all the treatment and outcome. Not in a totally sad way but knowing that I would eventually have a family (adoption?) and I can rest in that knowledge. It was a blissful few days to be free of the angst and control. I wish you all the best cookie26!

Cookie,

The best thing I did for myself emotionally was to draw a line in the sand. I don't have to carry a baby to be a parent or have a family. I have a family now and we are whole. Me, partner 2 dogs, 2 cats. We would very much like to add a little 2 legged child to the mix, but I didn't know if it would be by my body. So I gave my self a timeline so to speak. I had had so may stims and IUI's and IVF's that I was going crazy, it got worse each time it didn't take. So together my partner and I came up with a plan. I had 6 embryos left "on ice" after my last IVF cycle in November. I wasn't emotionally ready for the January cycle so after discussing it with my doc at length, I signed up for the March transfer. I had 5 embryos defrost ok and we decided to put all 5 in. This was a last ditch effort. It was my last time trying and If it didn't take, I had to schedule surgery to remove at least one ovary if not the entire apparatus. But if it didn't work, our journey was not over. I luckily kind of have abackup most people don't, my partner. She would start trying, and if that didn't work, we would begin seeking adoption agencies.
I am going in tomorrow to confirm my 7 positive pregnancy tests!
Don't give up, just set a timeline (it doesn't matter if its a month, a year or ten years) and strategy with your significant other and RE and stick to it. It's the best way to know there is an end that YOU chose and the end doesn't have to be THE END. You never know what may happen!

I must say that I'm sure that we have all felt this way at one time or another. I don't think that you should feel bad about wanting another child or even feeling a bit envious about others around you having children...its normal hun :-) I cant remember how many angry moments I have had thinking about the women in the world who have babies that they don't want and cant take care of...I can do both and more, yet no luck...what gives right?

I can say that the moment that I stopped stressing and obsessing about getting pregnant was the moment that I began to live my life again. To truly love my husband, love myself and be grateful for all the blessings that I do have in life...I have more than I could dream of. Maybe the job is a good thing, it will give you something to focus on in the meantime. You can make changes later if necessary...we all adapt to change,its our nature.

I'm not sure what your religious preference is,but no matter what you believe, you have to know that things happen just the way they are supposed to. Maybe the promotion, lack of a child and what ever other struggles you may be having may, in retrospect be exactly what was needed at the time. I also believe that we make our own destinies through our thoughts and words...think positive thoughts always, you have the control. Don't let another pessimistic, negative comment come out of your mouth, or become a thought it your head. Before you know it, you will not only fell great but just maybe, your angel will be on its way. Please keep in touch. Relax, take the job and give yourself some peace from the worry...take care of you :-) Blessings!