Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Do you tell people?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was just wondering if you ladies tell people when you are going through a treatment? Our last IVF cycle we pretty much just told family members. When we got our BFN last Monday it was the worst thing having to call everyone and tell them the news. Everyone knew what day we were getting out Beta test and I felt like I had to relive that call over and over again. My mom had a knee replacement surgery that day and the first thing she asked my dad when she woke up was if he'd heard anything from me. I felt like I was adding to her pain by telling her it didn't work. We will probably be doing an FET in January and I feel like keeping it a secret even from family.

Sometimes I just wish I could be like everyone else and be able to just announce a pregnancy without everyone knowing every detail of my treatment.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Only ppl i tell anything to is you guys.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry about your BFN. The only people who knew what I was going thru was my family and my closest friends. They were great support. I was lucky and got PG on my first IVF cycle so I did not have to go back and tell them.

Since you have already shared with them once, if you don't tell them when your next cycle will be, they will keep bugging you asking when it will be. For your own sanity, I would tell them. Good Luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was avoiding telling too many people. A fried who did 4 rounds of IVF suggested I not tell everyone just for that reason. But, for uncontrollable reasons I needed to tell more than I wanted. The day I got BFN I sent a group text message telling them. But it is only my sisters, mom and close friends who know, oh and step mother. They were really good and just let it go until I was ready to talk to them.
I don't tell people at work for many reasons.
I think since I have the support I found here at DS, I do not feel I need to tell everyone any more. Before I came here I needed to talk to people about it b/c it was making me crazy.
I am sorry you got BFN. I know how much it hurts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We tell anyone who asks about our treatments. Unfortunately that hasn't been our families. When I tell people the treatments we are going through I also tell them that they will be one of the first to know if the treatment works. Our support system will know first. They share in our pain and they will be able to share in our joy. I have found that this way I don't have to make that "no, it didn't work" phone call. They know not to ask because we will tell them if it is a BFP. It has worked well for us and our friends don't wonder, they know that in this situation no news is bad news and I don't want to relive it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Other then my Mom (and DH of course). No one knows about my treatments. I think though I owe that to this site. I take comfort in talking about things, so without DS I think I would be blabbing more about it. I think it is soooo much easier to not share b/c if the news is bad, then it just hurts even more. Think about the old PG rule. You don't may it public until 3 months. Of course due to the numerous DRs appts, sometimes its hard to keep it from your employer/co-workers. I have to travel somewhat and afraid that I may need to inform my boss since I will be glued to my home during our IVF cycle.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you for all the good advice. I appreciate the support that I have found here. You guys are awesome.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too have stopped telling even my closest family. When we got a post. in Aug everyone was so excited and when I miscarried I felt like I had to relive it again and again. Now when we do treatment no one knows but you guys and our doc. Good luck, sorry you beta came back neg. God bless!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, that's a loaded question for me. We told our family...and then my mother took it upon herself to send a mass email to our church of 2500 people letting them know I was having a lap surgery and that Chris and I can't have a baby....SO now MY WHOLE CHURCH knows which kinda stinks because I feel weird having them all know that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
After the first few failed IUI's we stopped telling people, family members and close friends for the same reasons. Why relive the depressing news over and over. We finally decided that we'd tell people when we got pregnant. The only person who knew anything was my mom becasue she had to babysit our other son for us when we were in and out of the doctor's ofice. We didn't even tell people to this day that we did IVF. They just think we got pregnant with IUI. It's such a personal topic that it doesn't need to be advertised if you do not want it o. It's your decision. Don't feel obligated to tell everyone. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
We've shared with our immediate families and very close friends. We too received a BFN and it was hard to share w/everyone that cares but at the same time they were there to support us just as they had during the treatments. For our FET cycle, DH and I have talked less about it to family and close friends. When we go to transfer i think we'll keep our day a secret and share with everyone when we are ready...we'll see. But i like how one of the gals wrote that she informed her support team of family and friends that when they had good news to share, they'd be the first to share the news with us. I may have to try that too....Good luck to you. I know this isn't easy for any of us. Remember we are always here for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First I'm really sorry about your failed IVF! Secondly, I wish I hadn't because I could potentially face the same thing come Friday. I didn't even want to come in today at work (even though I'm still in the 2ww), because I didn't feel like anyone asking me what was going on. But that was my own fault- got so excited about the IVF process that I had to share every little thing. It must've been so hard for you!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel the same way you do. I told more than just my family and I really regret that now. I didn't go to work the day of my Beta test so I sent them all an email thinking they would leave me alone the following Monday. I was wrong... I know they had good intentions, but it was really hard to keep going over it and over it again.

The call to family was hard too. My grandmother had just lost her husband and wanted to help me out financially and it was really hard to tell her that it didn't work. I wanted to give her good news as badly as I wanted to hear it for myself. My father-in-law is dying of lung cancer also and he had very high hopes.

We have decided not to tell anyone the second time around. It won't be until next year sometime, but I think that will be easier in the long run.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We told some family, close friends and three bosses. I told people who I knew could give me support and those who would wonder where the heck I was all the time. I have a friend who is so good as she went through infertility treatment. She always says I won't ask, and if you don't say anything I will assume it did not work for you this cycle.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We told people and I wish that we hadn't. Even though we just got a BFP- I don't feel like telling people until we know things are stable. But everyone is calling and asking questions. So if I tell them it's a BFP and something goes wrong, then I have to go through telling them that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Our close family and friends now we are going through treatments but I don't get into specific dates. I think this kind of works for us because I can call them if I need them and they know what is going on but I don't have to call them with BFN news or get calls from them when they know I am at the end of a 2ww. I am sorry about your BFN.
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