I did everything I could to stay positive today as Mother's Day came about. I love my mother very dearly and today she was also celebrating her 30th wedding anniversary. My grandma came over to celebrate and she kept telling me she is going to "pray that I will become a mother one day." She means well, but she doesn't understand that I'm already very sensitive about this topic and all she is doing is putting more focus towards it and breaking my heart inside. Then, we went to church and at the end of mass the pastor asked all the mom's to stand up for a blessing. My mom looked at me and said, "honey, you are a spiritual mother, so you can stand to." I didnt even know how to respond. I so badly want to be a mom and everyone around me wants me to have my own family, but I just stayed strong and smiled and said, "its ok mom, its your day." I held back my tears and stayed positive and tried to stay happy. Then, we celebrated at home. One of my mom's friends asked me, "do you and your husband want kids?" I seriously just wanted to breakdown! I felt myself just want to scream and say, "Yes!! Of course we do!!" I love my husband very much and we've been married for 5 years. I feel as sometimes people think our marriage isnt valid or as strong as other couples with kids. I politely responded and said, "yes, we'd love to have kids one day." Deep down inside, I just wanted to cry and let it all out right then and there. I think my eyes got a little watery. I don't really know how I got through today. It was a really hard day. It breaks my heart because I am normally a really fun, positive, and happy person, but I just feel that wanting to be a mom so much has consumed me. Thanks so much for reading this and listening.
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