i can completely understand your anger and frustration. have you thought about counseling? sometimes it helps to have an impartial, unbiased person to just vent to who can tell us when we're right and tell us when we need to gain perspective.

I have found a lot of help being in this group. But each month it gets harder to be hopeful and to keep from being angry. I have gone to counseling in the past for other issues and am considering going again for IF issues.

just something to think to help you get the anger and frustration out as well as to come up with ways to deal with it and get past it.

hang in there hun. we're all here for you! yell, scream, cry, rant and rave all you want! :) we won't mind.

Thank you for posting. I have considered counseling but I'm not sure. I've done it in the past and its never really been helpful for me. I have suffered with depression all my life so I've been through numerous counselors through the years. I've just never found one that has helped me. I think I might be about out of options though so I might have to look into it again.

Please know that you are not alone with these feelings. I get so angry about my IF a lot. And, I feel so jealous when I see pregnant ladies or when someone announces their pregnancy. A close friend of mine got pg after 1 day of being off the pill. That one really hit me hard. I distanced myself from her which made me feel even worse cuz I missed our friendship.

Being in this group has helped me a lot because it makes me realize that I'm not the only one going through this although sometimes I feel like I am cuz there are so many pregnant people around me.

First, let me say "Welcome to the Group!" I understand how you are feeling as I have felt and still do feel the same way at times. My BF got pregnant the first month she tried, on her honeymoon and showed me the positive HPT only days after our first failed IVF. I was devastated! I was angry that she showed me and I was angry that we had been trying, gone through so much, had failed and then it worked for her first try.

It took me time to work through it. I realized I was not angry with her for being able to get pregnant, I was angry that I was not able to. Reminding me of the difference has helped a lot, especially since so many more of my friends and co-workers have become pregnant as our cycles continue to fail.

But, I can't say it is any one thing that has helped me deal with all of this and the anger, pain, resentments, frustration and utter and complete sadness that goes with IF. I know for sure that joining DS and being able to share my feelings, good or bad, with other women who are going through or have gone through the same thing has helped A LOT.

I also journal (on DS and at home) and have read a few books. One I am reading now, "Unsung Lullabies" is helping me a good amount. It allows me to see where my feelings are coming from, label them and then try to deal with them. I wish I could tell you that it all goes away over night, but that would not be true. It is something that happens over time and changes from day to day.

Since I have been on DS I have seen many miracles happen and a lot of women with IF get pregnant. Though I am not there yet, I am striving to be. But, at the same time I have had to deal with all these feelings because they were affecting me and my relationships.

I noted in your reply that you've been through a lot of counseling. I have been in and out of it since I was very young. I guess you kind of get to know what they will say and how they will respond. But, right now it seems you need to be able to get out your feelings and I honestly believe joining DS was a great start. Part of me felt that if I read these books or went to counseling for IF then that meant it beat me and I was giving up. But what I learned is that even if it works for us at some point, I am still grieving a loss, a loss of getting pregnant "the old fashion way." I am grieving the loss of being pregnant and starting a family the way I always planned. I am grieving the loss of having as large of a family as I had wanted. There are many things that we lose with IF and don't even realize it because we think of IF as just not being able to get pregnant when it is really so much more.

I pray you find the support here you are looking for. I am so sorry you have to go down this path in life, but do believe that finding your way to us was a blessing of sorts.

Hi there and welcome. Your feelings are pretty common. IF is really like grieving loss and having a chronic medical condition that no one understands all at the same time. A lot of ladies who posted before me gave excellent advise. Sometimes getting it out, or hearing from others going through similar situations is a great help. Wishing you lots of luck and here if you ever need to talk. HUGS.

I just want to say that I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've had my issues, but I know they are not as severe as many ladies on here.

In terms of hearing about others getting pregnant, seeing babies, etc..... I used to get upset too. But then I tried to think about how happy that I would be when I got a BFP, that I would want to share it with everyone. People should try to be more senstive, but they probably are just excited to share the news with the ones they care about - including you.

I hope you find peace in this IF journey.

Hi Monkey- Well...what took you so long to find us? We've been working hard at supporting each other and let me tell you, this is the place!! I think about it this way, everytime I hear about a BFP on here, I blow out a breath and say quietly, ok, I'm next.
Really, one great thing about watching the results on here is that many have been to where we are and many are where we we are going. So let it out, but don't forget your own goals as the wisdom on the board will help get you there. Baby dust - Beth

I understand where you are coming from. I am also a shy person and when I found myself so incredibly angry all the time and not liking myself I realized I needed bigger help. I know see a counselor who specializes in infertility and it has helped me enormously. It is normal to be angry and upset so don't beat yourself up over it. Another thing that has helped me is a book called "Unsung Lullabies".

What you've said is so familiar. I am very angry - this is so unfair. I hate harboring anger and resentment and jealously towards friends, family, and even strangers. I am hurting so bad that I feel like I will explode. I have been seeing a counselor. It took me a while - nearly 2.5 years of dealing with IF before I went. I considered it many times, but it took me to get to the point where I felt like I could not get out of bed - that I didn't want to get out of bed, and face reality - before I broke down and went. It has helped me a lot. Even for my counselor to affirm that what I am feeling is normal. That anger is a way of dealing with grief. And that is what we are doing. We are grieving the loss of our children. The loss of being "normal," of possibly experiencing pregnancy, having biological children. There is a lot to grieve for. My counselor is helping me find ways of dealing with that grief and coping.

I wish you the best in your journey, and though you may feel alone, you are not.

Thank you to everyone for their kind words. It helps so much to know that I am not alone in my feelings. Even though I have my husband I sometimes feel like Im alone because he doesn't understand it completely since he is a man, and you know how men are they dont show much emotion so THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.