Infertility, Secondary Support Group
"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come as a result of age and stress felt to provide a sibling for their first child.
Hi Ladies,
This is not about infertility but I needed some friend advice and thought maybe you could help...
I was a single, young mom. I lived at home for the first 4 years of my daughters life. When I got married, I got another daughter through marriage. His parents were very involved in his daughters life. His ex (daughters birth mom) lives in another state. The grandparents always drive down once a year so that they can vacation but they also give their granddaughter a chance to visit mom. (Mom doesnt come here because of her own cheapness, etc). Anyways, once we got married they included my daughter in the trips and dont exclude her because they dont want to leave anyone out.
Now, my parents...they call for only my birth daughter. Can she come sleep over, can she come shopping or out to dinner. I have told them for years that they need to include my older daughter too. And my older daughter (the one thru marriage) has noticed they dont call. So anyways one year, I think two summers ago they do go on vacation and take both girls. But now this winter they have planned a trip to ski and think that when my daughter was 4 liked to ski and should still be given a chance to do it again. They are not inviting my older daughter K. or my 4 year old (we had one after I got married).
Finally I told them no. I told them I am sorry but she cant go. This was two weeks ago, and they still wont talk to me. My mom said that I stung her with not letting C. go and that she is soo sad. I didnt get into it with them why I didnt want her to go. They should know why, as I have told them countless times in rash and irrational ways that I have more children than just C.
Am I wrong? I think of all my girls as mine. I didnt give birth to K. but I had her from my heart. I am thrilled to be her mom and worry for her heart and mind that her feelings would get hurt.
Why cant they get that??
This is not about infertility but I needed some friend advice and thought maybe you could help...
I was a single, young mom. I lived at home for the first 4 years of my daughters life. When I got married, I got another daughter through marriage. His parents were very involved in his daughters life. His ex (daughters birth mom) lives in another state. The grandparents always drive down once a year so that they can vacation but they also give their granddaughter a chance to visit mom. (Mom doesnt come here because of her own cheapness, etc). Anyways, once we got married they included my daughter in the trips and dont exclude her because they dont want to leave anyone out.
Now, my parents...they call for only my birth daughter. Can she come sleep over, can she come shopping or out to dinner. I have told them for years that they need to include my older daughter too. And my older daughter (the one thru marriage) has noticed they dont call. So anyways one year, I think two summers ago they do go on vacation and take both girls. But now this winter they have planned a trip to ski and think that when my daughter was 4 liked to ski and should still be given a chance to do it again. They are not inviting my older daughter K. or my 4 year old (we had one after I got married).
Finally I told them no. I told them I am sorry but she cant go. This was two weeks ago, and they still wont talk to me. My mom said that I stung her with not letting C. go and that she is soo sad. I didnt get into it with them why I didnt want her to go. They should know why, as I have told them countless times in rash and irrational ways that I have more children than just C.
Am I wrong? I think of all my girls as mine. I didnt give birth to K. but I had her from my heart. I am thrilled to be her mom and worry for her heart and mind that her feelings would get hurt.
Why cant they get that??
deleted_user
My situation is a little different, but I can understand your position and concern. I have 3 children from my 1st marriage and 1 from my 2nd marriage. Biologically all the children are mine. However, my new in-laws will call to take out my youngest child (their biological grandson) and not my other children. I started saying no unless all the children go. They were mad at first, but over time they realized why I feel the way I do. You don't want to leave anyone out. Children can get their feelings hurt easily and I don't want to create problems. Biological or not, they are all your children and your parents are grandparents to ALL the children..whether they are bioligcal or step children. Good luck and I think your parents will come around. Keep me posted.
deleted_user
I did the same as Bromaine and they got the message loud and clear. Children shouldn't have to pay for adult decisions or mistakes and I think its very insensitive to leave the othre kids out. Stick to your guns!!
deleted_user
My sister husband has a daughter from a relationship before my sister and like you my sister takes care of her and her bio Mom does talk to Sammi. To me Sammi is as much my niece as my sister's 3 other childern are. You need to do what you feel is right for all youe children and what you feel is right. To me you seem to be doing taht and I comend you for your parenting skills. All your girls are lucky to have you!!!
deleted_user
YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT!!!! It is so wonderful of you to care for your daughter (from your husbands 1st marriage) as you own!!! that is so great! I agree w/ you completely....if children get their feelings hurt or feel "second best" or "not as good" they will carry that hurt forever (potentially) and thank GOD you are looking out for her! I understand that YOUR parents feel "less close"----so i "feel" for your parents a bit...BUT THE NEEDS AND FEELINGS OF INNOCENT CHILDREN COME FIRST AND YOUR PARENTS NEED TO KNOW THAT AND ACT ACCORDINGLY!!!
Join the Conversation
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
