
Infertility, Secondary Support Group
"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come as a result of age and stress felt to provide a sibling for their first child.

deleted_user
I was at a holiday party yesterday and my husband and I were approach twice about having a second child by individuals who already have their 2 child? I can't believe an inconsiderate boob had to keep probing the and asked if we were doing it right? I finally gave in and told him that we are doing infertility. He said is it your husband or you? I tried to be polite but I didn't like when he was question my husband's manhood. So, just told him that I was the one who ended up on the table the most. Come on! Some people don't know when to shut the hell up!
Posted on 12/02/07, 11:12 pm
Posted on 12/02/07, 11:12 pm
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Dont feel you have to have all the answers to explain. Its not our fault we got this. this isnt something we did wrong. its bad luck. its shitty luck. tell them that you are trying and it hasnt happend yet. period, end of story.
at my job ppl are getting pregs or getting their wife pregs. and it is hard. i finally told one friend that i am still trying. he was curious but i could tell he didnt know shit about infertility, as most ppl dont --its a waste of time trying to explain. i truly think they stop listening because they have no clue what we are saying.
Immediately after my miscarriages, I learned just how painful those questions could be. I did isolate myself for a while to protect myself from those conversations (practically everyone we know knew we were trying).
As I recovered from my losses, I came to a place where I could no longer suffer in silence. I
went though a process of sharing the news of my miscarriages with many of those friends. I am so blessed that I received nothing but support so far.
I choose to be open about my experience and that deflects a lot of nosiness. Even with acquaintances, I would feel comfortable simply answering the "When are you having another?" question by saying, "We've been trying, but it hasn't worked out yet." Or "We hope to, but we've had a couple of losses trying for another child."
Yes, I sometimes get inane or thoughtless remarks. But the truth is many people just don't know what to say and screw it up. Keep in mind that people who have not been there, just have no clue.
If you run into a real jerk, don't be afraid to just say, "I'm not comfortable talking about this right now," and walk away.
I don't think there's an easy answer. Just find a method that works for you.
The other one I hate is 'its so much harder when you have two...' cos I'd love the chance to find out for myself.