i just found out today that there is actually a term for someone who has had a child, but is unable to conceive another AND that there are a set of emotions that go along with this condition! I am 42 (almost 43) with an almost 2 year old daughter. Having her was the most joyful and extraordinary thing that has ever happened to me even though i didn't think i ever wanted children. So, to be wishing every day that i could have another and experience all the wonderful things i have so far with my daughter is surprising and saddening. i have been trying to think of ways to move on, resolve these feelings of sadness, longing and incompleteness, and deal with the feelings of envy and isolation. i don't think, at my age, having my own biological child is going to happen, since we've been trying the last year and nothing has happened. Also, there are so many risks now to myself and a baby that it feels like it may be too big a risk to take anyway. i never thought i would feel this way ... i thought one child would be enough for me. every day my daughter moves further away, every new development feels like a loss despite my intense love for her and the joy of watching her grow. Knowing that everything i have experienced and will experience with her is for that last time is SO painful. it hurts when i think about when she was a newborn and those magical days of being in a cocoon with my new baby. i can't go back there! Yet, when i went to talk to a therapist about it, she said i should be happy that i have my daughter. ohhhh.
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