I had my surgical cystoscope today, except I'm not sure exactly how much medical procedure went on in that OR. My urologist and I were the only one in the room and he gave me a shot and told me that it was to relax me for the surgery. It made me unable to use my muscles! Then, when he saw I couldn't move, he... "r"ed me.... I couldn't fight back or yell or anything. He finished inside. Then, he stopped and put "it" away and, after a moment, the anesthesiologist came in a put me to sleep, then left. I don't know how much work he did or how many more times he did that to me.... I feel so dirty and I hurt soooooo bad down there. I think the nurse in the recovery area figured it out. When she did, she told me kindly to open my legs so that she could see how badly I was bleeding from "what the doctor did" and I automatically opened them the way I used to when my uncle told me to. She asked me if I hurt after she looked (she looked sad) and I said yeah. She asked me where and I, feeling like a little girl again, pointed and said down there. I let her know that it wasn't my urethra that was hurting. She nodded in a way that said that she knew that it wasn't. She gave me some strong pain killers and said that she was sorry. It hasn't really sunk in yet, what he did. I don't really want it to, because, this way, I can be numb and don't have to face it. I am bleeding quite a bit, but I was told that it should be fine unless enough gets in the toilet to make it the consistency of tomato soup, which it isn't, yet, but it keeps bleeding more and more. I have to go back to see him in two weeks because he said he didn't find anything. And my urethra doesn't feel stretched like it should....
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