I know this is off subject but I'm going through a lot right now and I just need to vent and this is the only place I can go......considering my boyfriend who is SUPPOSED to be supporting me is the source of my problem at the moment. Maybe I shouldn't say too much because I'm mad and I always say things when I'm mad that I later get over. But none the less here goes. He just moved up here (following me) 3 months ago. He hasn't found a job, nor has he really made any TRUE attempts to find one. I had a job after I had been here only 4 days. We are living with my mom at the moment and I'm supporting the both of us PLUS paying my bills, PLUS giving my mom money for living here, PLUS trying to save money. I am at my wits end. And he has the nerve to call me selfish and inconsiderate amongst other things. I think I have been more than giving to him......and I guess I'm being inconsiderate by buying his food and ciggarettes? Is it just me or does anyone else think that it is rude to fall asleep on someone in the middle of an arguement? He always does it! Personally I can't go to sleep if I'm upset....but I can be in mid sentence and he will start to snore. It makes me so angry. I can't even stand to lay in the same bed as him if I'm angry....so there goes my night's sleep. I'm sorry to ramble but I am so frustrated right now. I really feel sorry for anyone taking the time to read this...it is extremely off subject. He thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I am. He expects me to change over night. I have some issues that stem from my abuse. I go on the defense a lot and I am irritable and moody. I'm not like this on purpose. I am very depressed. Depressed....that word doesn't mean anything to him. To him it's an excuse....a cop out. But he just doesn't get it. I can't change these things over night. They take time, therapy, and lots of healing. None of which I have at the time. Personally I think I have come a long way in the past two years. I went from being a pot head that got a DWI for driving high and lost her license and gave up on life....not caring about anything, not having a job, and gained 50 pounds to a drug free 21 year old living in a new state with a GREAT full time job, driving again and paying all of my bills responsibly on time. This is a huge step for me...but no one gives me credit. I was ripped of my childhood and then went straight to living on my own. There was no easy transition, no preperation, no one to warn me and give me the do's and dont's of adult hood. I was just thrown in to it. I felt so helpless, and at times I still do. I'm just so lost. I wish I had help. I'm tired of being so depressed. I want to know how it feels to be happy. I've never known the feeling....I wouldn't know it if it slapped me in the face. I'd appreciate any advice anyone can give. Once again I'm going to apologize for my off subject ramblings. Thanks to anyone who's listened. -Pat-......more emotional than ever.....
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