Hi! I am new and am a survivor of years of sexual abuse and rape by my father. I am 38 years old and just recently in the last 2 years started having memories of of my abuse as a child. I almost lost my marriage over this. I really thought I was going crazy! I thought that something was seriously wrong with me. I started going to therapy about a year ago and discovered that as a child my coping mechanism was to literally leave my mind and body and watch the abuse as a third person. All these years I swore it was all happening to another child, not me. Now when I have sex with my husband I find that I subconsciuosly leave my mind...it's as if I am not there. My husband can tell immediately when this happens. I started to withdraw from my husband and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. He was so exasperated with me he just finally couldn't take it anymore and he threatened to leave thinking that I wasn't attracted to him anymore..then I got my first image of my father touching me I just blurted it out. My husband was stunned. He knew my father and was close to him. Thankfully he believed me and has been very supportive. My father is dead so he can't do this to anyone ever again. But I am still struggling with the visions and horrible feelings deep inside. I still feel the shame and embarassment. I still haven't told my mom. My sister and I have talked and that's another story in itself. Well this is the first time I have told anyone else other than my husband. Thanks for reading.
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