I just had a troubling experience and I don't know what to do or how to react... First I am a lesbian (which comes into play in the issue that I am having) and I am happy in my relationship with my wife. Often my very religious family has meetings with me about my life choices and consequences, so when my dad called a meeting, I figured it was more of the same. The meeting was a far cry from what i expected and, basically, he told me that I had been his main sexual interest since I was about 14 years-old. That was 10 years ago and since then I have been with a couple different women that he confessed an attraction to them, specifically my wife, at this meeting. All of this was bad enough, but then, he begged me, BEGGED ME to sleep with him. I smiled and mumbled something that I could not even recognize. I maintained my cool long enough to get to the car where I proceeded to breakdown on the phone with my wife. He made me promise to have more "meetings" with him :(. With the holidays coming up and a time for family and unity, how can I look at him and not let on to the entire family that something is wrong? I love him, he's my dad and I don't want to hurt him, I just don't know what to do...
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so last night was a tough night. I had luck with mindfulness though and am grateful that I got some sleep in between the nightmares. Will continue with the mindfulness of it keeps working. It gives my psyche a chance to rest even if I don’t sleep. So for now, tabling the past and hanging in the now. Crossing my fingers for a reprieve.
I have been in here for a while now, working on sitting with my distress. I have come to acceptance. I am grieving my life at the same time as grieving the loss of my wife. It makes for a tired me, really. Now, I have had more memories return and I don't know what to do with them. They are unspeakable for me so I don't know how to process the emotions of them without expelling them. I cannot...