Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group and find support.

2 Online
2 Online

everyone is sick

I have had enough now I think I am so f**king angry about everything, I was abused. It seems everyone was abused. Its so common nothing happens, victims are basically told to shut up and stop harping on about it.
The bastards that abuse seem to get all the help and cxounselling etc etc etc.
We are tld be brave, break the silence but I am living in a society where people still want you to stay silent. What the f**k I am so confused.
It seems to he happening everywhere all around me.
In rich and in poor. Most people seem to feel it juist happens to the poor. What a load of rubbish.
I am effected my mylife and other peoples lives. All around me.
What a sick worls, always going to happen, never going to stop is it.
Sorry
Ranting
Blah F**k**g Blah
Load of bollox
Happy Friday
AHHRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel exactly the same.My anger can never end because its not just about me.Its about all the f'ing injustices that keep happening over and over to others to.And because i know how it feels its f'ing personal too!

I mean there's a lot of victim blaming, minimizing, getting the victim to shut up and preferably reunite with their family, "forgive".............Its just goes on and on.And A LOT of professionals do it too.
They scare me.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Exactly, it is f*king scary isn't it.
Noone really wants to talk about it either. I dont get it at all.
Injustices all the time everywhere.
I am glad I am not alone thank you for your comment. It means a lot because I thought I was going crazy.

I try to talk to others to bring awareness bit noone likes to talk - taboo subject. Talk about it, it helps, people need to know,
Well they probably do know. It happens everywhere. Maybe goes right to the top.

Scandal in a Catholic Church???
Its everywhere.
moonface21
moonface21

Yes , taboos and ignorance are still prevailing all over the world and psychiatric hospitals are full of patients who are survivors of abuse who are unable to verbalise it or not heard nor believed.
On the positive side, a few centuries ago, we would have been burnt as witches, last century, commited for life .Freud would have diagnosed us as "psychotics with unresolved oedipus issues".
40 years ago, my husband was subjected to dozens of "electrochocs"(I don't know the word in English).Nobody heard of incest;it simply did not exist.We were just told not to accept sweets from strangers in the street.
Now, incest issues appear on TV programmes, lots of books are published, therapists are becoming more and more aware and the power of religion to make us shut up and "forgive" is lessening its grip.
Sexual abuse perpetrated in religious spheres burst out publicly.
And most important, together, we are regaining our dignity and strength;We are the voice which is breaking the silence.New laws are issued, it will never be the same.
I am very happy to have witnessed all these changes.the next generations will be more protected,heard and taken care of through education and our mutual efforts.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I Hear you moonface.
I feel we have had to go through the shit - be the guinea pigs and of course the generations before us.
I do feel it will always be present however.
Thank you for your comment.
Positive thinking is something I try to do everyday.
deleted_user
deleted_user

It is a load of crap! I see it every day as well. Victims told to shut up and forgive. Or the ol' saying, oh here they go again.......blah blah blah. I am of a nation that is always told to shut up. I not only suffered in the hands of my family (brothers) but in the hands of residential schools. Being molested daily, by priests, and my brothers at home. There was no where to go.
Now we are told to shut up, deal with it and get on with it. A constant note somewhere in the press and people in general snuff you out! Tell you to shut up! Its happening everywhere, every religion, every one is affect! Its so f*****n sicking already. I feel sick, anxiety every damn day! i have to work in this filth of a world! ........ and watch people do absolutely nothing about helping the other guy! what has happened to the world....where its your fault you got raped, murdered or beaten, stabbed, molested! cuz you shouldnt of been there 5 in the morning! or you shouldnt have worn that dress, or that trousers! its getting sick! i feel sick...............now im off to work!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree with all of the above.

It is wrong, but it is better than it was and it is only by talking and insisting on our place that we can change it some more. There will be some, many, people who will not or can not hear us because of their own problems, but there are others who will respond to being told the truth, however ugly or inconvenient.

Over the last 100 years:
look how the response to homosexuality has changed
look how the response to domestic violence has changed
look at how the response to rape has changed

These changes did not happen quickly or easily (and none of them are over yet). For every one of these there were (and are) people who resist them - some through prejudice, some through ignorance. It is the ignorant and prejudiced who are choosing to stay that way, as well as victims who are still in denial and perpetrators who tell us to be quiet. These are the people we need to challenge - not obey.
bluedragon41
bluedragon41

I do get angry...But I think I've gotten realistic enough to know I can only work on brightening my little corner of the world. SO I do what I can. I hope people around me take this up.
Wheezie
Wheezie

I recently posed a question on another board of who all do you know that has been abused.Pretty much everyone said a majority if not all the people they know have been abused.Abuse is an epidemic in our society.Unchecked it runs rampant and grows exponentially.When you have abuse that is that prevalent it infects every part of our lives.Try seeking justice for being abused. Then you have to deal with abusers and abuse victims in denial starting from the police department detectives all the way up to the judge running the trial trying to silence you every step of the way.That is why second victimization by the judicial system is so high.When you have a system that is run by abusers and abuse victims in denial that will always be the case.It seriously needs to change.It plays out the same way in the psychiatric feild as well.Try to go and get help for your traumatic past and there is a very high probablility that you will be revictimized by either an abusive or abuse victim in denial therapist. We as abuse survivors need to stand up,speak out and band together to fight against these evils and turn our society towards a better way.
Pippilotta
Pippilotta

I am in a 12-step recovery group. Early on we all went around and acknowledged our past hurts. In a group of 20+ women....we all...every single one...experienced sexual abuse as children...every single one. Until I had gone to this group, I thought I was the only...because, although we are speaking up more, the silence is still so pervasive that we end up thinking that we (I) are the only ones. I still think that we are new at speaking about this...it is still hard to even verbally say it...we are still working on that dialogue and finding our voices...I think.
loum50
loum50

I am also in a couple of 12 step groups and most if not all were abused as children. It makes me angry that even in one of these groups there are people who are critical of those of us who talk about it and say can we focus on recovery. Talking about it is part of my recovery. I believe they don't want their denial confronted. I think it's that way for a lot of people, they don't want their denial confronted. I know my mother was at least physically abused as a child and I strongly suspect sexually abused. My grandfather liked to hurt little kids and make them cry. I never saw him sober. So when I was being abused by my father and others she probably tried to pretend it wasn't happening. Child sex abuse is being talked about more and some abusers are being brought to justice, but progress is slow. In Massachusetts the courts will not listen to you until you are 12. A lot of time the damage has already been done by then. The abusers are well organized and share the things that work among themselves.

The abusers have all the protections going for them and their victims almost none. I can bring up a map on my android tablet that shows where all the level 3 registered sex offenders live and work. The amount of them is staggering. Also, on this map if you touch one of the flags it will bring up a picture of the abuser and what they were convicted of. They are everywhere, and that's only the worst of them that have been convicted.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I can relate to everything that you are saying. When I was 9 and abused by a family friend I was told by my grandmother that country club families do not do that and that I was lying. When I told my grandfather I was given a smal glas of bourbon and told that this is not the answer but it's all I got for now. we do not talk about abuse. When I told my Aunt she took advantage and she made me have sex with her for alcohol.
People are afraid of us I think. We are extremely strong for what we endured. We have anger upon more anger upon more anger. I feel as if know one understood me. I was 32 before I even got help with all these issues. I drank from the time I was 9 until I was 32. I did not have the courage to face the abuse. I knew why I drank and behaved the way I did. I was angry and taking it out on other people.
All we can do is take care of each other and help each other. People who have not been abused do know what it's like. They don't understand the nightmares, the pain, the fear, or our inability at intimacy at times.
If you must rant it's ok and we are all here fo you.
moonface21
moonface21

Fifteen years ago in France, Sexual abuse became "national cause" for that year;Which means that a huge prevention campaign was organised in schools, radio, TV.
Consequently, masses of young people started speaking up and want to file charges.Authorities could not believe so many people were being abused;I remember in our local police station, the head simply decided it could not be true and these young people must be lying and affabulating.Their cases were dismissed and the very convenient theory of "fake memories" used to explain all these complaints..
But things are moving.Sexual abuse is becoming part of the curriculum in psychiatry,the dynamics of incestuous families much published in books for the public.PTSD is taken seriously
and laws amended.
In France, we could only be up to 18 to file a charge.Now, it has been extended to 28.Which is ridiculous, considering the time it takes us to come out of denial.So we are back with law projects with our new president.
In AlAnon, 4 or the 5 women were survivors of incest.
In the international Buddhist three years retreat I attended, 3 out of the 5 women were also survivors of incest .
And yes, psychiatric hospitals and prisons are full of them, mostly unaware.
deleted_user
deleted_user

When i first started seeking therapy between 89-91 i was told psychology was going through a period where they did not think what happened in your childhood had any bearing in your adult life.IMAO.
So my doctor never even knew my childhood history and he told me he could not help me at all.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Now they think it does but yes there is a lot of victimblaming in an indirect way.........The way most are treating it is really bad.Its DISEMPOWERING to the victim instead of empowering to them.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Inhouse :-
Thank you for your comment. I am with you and I know I completely agree.
Nothing seems to have changed. Still living in shame. Looked down upon. Must have asked for it done somthing. Deserved it.
Can we do something? Change anything?
Will it change? Has it got better?
Stiogma, Taboo subject.
I hope you are okay and big hugs to you.