i know how you feel, i feel alone too, all the time.
just concentrate on your kids, they love you unconditionally.

Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is knowing that somehow I'm making someone happy. If I can make one person smile or laugh a day, than I can be happy too.

I know that your kids love you, and that you struggle. My mom raised us on her own, and she tried her best, and I appreciate everything she could do for me. If I didn't have my mom in this world, I would have no one. I bet your kids feel the same way. But see their smiles, the joy you bring into their life every day just being yourself. But at the same time maybe you need some time off for yourself, is it possible to get paid vacation time off at your work? Or maybe having your parents take care of the kids so you can go out once a week,and pamper yourself? Like going shopping for yourself, going to the movies, dining with a friend? Reading a book at the beach? I think you deserve a vacation. I know your an awesome person, and that you put yourself forth for others, but you need to do so for yourself. Take care hun, I will pray for you! :)

There is nothing that will fill you.....your life has been left with a void that can not be filled....Im not going to sugar coat this for you....but really....now is the time...yoiu have been blessed with a family....please let them enlighten you and be in a new life.....I have been through similar things friend....

I know how you feel, I guess what I can say is I am very spiritual. And to look to somone who who has a plan for your life and that you can give your problems to him to work out, as hard as it is. I really try to take thing one day at a time and just put my trust in Jesus. Lean on frinds too that have the same issues...

I can say 1 thing if nothing alone... time will lessen the wound of the broken marriage...last year at this time I was a total suicidal wreck shot through and through with anxiety like a fukin tidal wave that submerged me for 8 mnths ...I think the incest is something you have to accept and release the shame.. this group has helped me deal with that and joining this group alone says something of your courage to move on..oh yeah and blind faith..it is possible to get better ...thats it, it is possible...your awareness is showing your ability to change ...I hope you survive to see the lessening of the wound GL and GB

It sounds like you might need to look for a female therapist, or someone you can really open up to. You need to be 100% comfortable with your counselor. My awakening to my victimization started over 25 years ago. I have had 4 therapists. My best help came from a woman therapist, the only one. Maybe, I can only be comfortable with someone of the same sex which doesn't entirely make sense because both of my parents were abusers. But, I view my father as much more crueler and sadistic. He was really a sick, sick man! It takes a lot of time to work thru the pain. Unfortunately, I have learned that it can show it's ugly head when you least expect it. Reach out as much as you can to people. If you are open you will find people who are understanding. Be patient and kind to yourself. Several months ago my memories were triggered again badly and I started to write poetry. I felt so much better with each poem. Find something that you like to do and work at it. I joined this group to find support from people who could understand all the major "crap" that goes along with incest. After reading several posts their seems to be a lot of survivors and support. You can do it to !! Please dig deep and try to smile thru all those tears and give your children extra big hugs. I hope my words have helped you some.

It is hard to live in the moment when the moments are painful. However, I have kids and cats and there are moments when they just need mommy or are down for hangin' and I just be as present as I possibly can. Finding fulfillment in the life around you can fill up the life you are living now. No reclaiming the past. Sucks for us all.

I really can relate to your words, Elvenbird, there's no reclaiming the past and living for the moment and finding fulfillment is what people like us need to do... it's so true ... and it does really suck at times!!!

You probably don't want to hear the old cliche time is a great healer, but it is true.
You are just at the start of the whole process of acknowledging your experiences and you have to go through the whole process before you begin to see the light but the light is there.
You will only get fleeting glimpses through the trees for a while but eventually you will come to the clearing in the forest where the light will be so strong you will absorb it and you will know that although your journey is not ended you are able to continue with a different, more positive persepctive. Remember we are survivors of horrific experiences but the key word is survivors not victims.

I am sorry that you feel so alone. I can only imagine how hard it is to be dealing with all the garbage of your childhood, a divorce, and raising young children. I recently read a book entitled "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing," by Susan Anderson. It is a really good book.

Even though I am married there are days that I feel alone. I feel alone because I do not think anyone close to me can understand how I feel, and they have no idea what I went through as a child.

My therapist has helped me greatly. She herself was abused, so she has an idea of what I am feeling. She will share some things from her past to help me. She will share with me how she has felt as she worked through all of her gunk back in the day. I would suggest finding a therapist you feel comfortable with. If you are comfortable with your male therapist than stick it out with him. I personally would not be able to talk with a male so I have hugely appreciated my female therapist.

Be gentle with yourself, and try to find time for yourself admist taking care of your kids!

What has pulled me through the bad times? Before I went into therapy, not much. I would try to find a safe place to be alone and just sob and cry in despair. Music helped pull me through, and being creative, with my sewing projects, artwork and glass etching, and whatever else I found to occupy my mind. Since I went through therapy the first time, the determination to find recovery and to be a better, more successful, more everything to ME. I want more out of life than pain and despair and loneliness. And as I work through the recovery process, I am finding that those feelings of being alone are slowly fading, less potent and strong than they have always been. The despair is almost gone as well. I know those feelings, that nothing can compensate for the abuse and neglect of my childhood. I have found anger for that. and that is also helping me. Mind you, it is a very controlled anger, and is not an overpowering one. Just angry that it had to be that way. But it helps with my determination and helps me to be able to see things in a better perspective somehow. I see it as being in a tunnel. When you start out, it is pitch black and you don't know if you are even heading in the right direction. As you see others that are recovering or have reached that light at the end of the tunnel to where they are not living in such constant state of trauma, you start to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. As you process the trauma and work for your recovery, you see that light get larger as you move closer to it. Now, there have been times during my recovery when I have been so busy looking back at where I came from that all seemed dark and despairing again. But eventually I turned around and saw that light at the end of the tunnel, and I was even a little closer to it. Take courage and use the strength that is in you, though you may not feel it there. Be determined to come through this and you will.