
Incest Survivors Community Group
This group was created before there was an actual support group on this site for incest survivors. Most people are already comfortable here, feel free to add your thoughts, questions, and opinions. I'm here for anyone that needs me. -metalheadlxlxl

deleted_user
I realized in therapy that my mother,biological dad, and step dad are more bad for me than good. i don't have the courage to break ties with my mother but I realize that her protecting my stepdad and having to pretend everything is okay has been slowing destroying me. I feel like an orphan. I have "parents" but just because they are family doesn't me they can treat me this way. I talked to my mom today and her little comments have made me feel depressed. I don't know what to do because I want my son to have a grandma. I am so angry that I even have to think about cutting her out of my life.
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I've broken ties with my family, even though it was scary and I had such mixed feelings. I did it five months ago. The truth is, that I feel so much better without the toxicity dragging me down. I don't miss the shaming or the blaming. Time has given me a new perspective and I can see how they were killing me inside.
Perhaps in time, I might allow some of them back into my life. It depends on what I think is in my best interest. Right now, I know I can't set and maintain healthy boundaries with them. They don't respect my needs. In fact, they have shown themselves willing to sacrifice me to maintain their family "lie" around the incest and other abuse we all suffered. So, I had to make this tough choice because I wanted to not only survive but to thrive in my life.
I truly don't miss them most of the time. I have friends who love me who I spend time with. I am making new friends also. Remember, we can build a fmaily of choice. We can put people in our life who will love, accept and respect us...the way we deserve to be treated. And we do deserve to be treated with dignity, my dear. You have a right to be protected and nurtured and supported in the ways that have meaning for you.
Be true to yourself.
Please be gentle with yourself. (((HUG)))
My therapist said that it is the healthier person that speaks up and wants to deal with the secret whatever the secret is. I think he is correct.
A decision to/to not have your mother in your life is difficult enough without adding a child into it. I only have to worry about myself and my partner, no one else. I don't know how I would feel or what I would do, that's impossible until I had a child of my own. The only thing that I am and always have been 100% positive about is that I would do anything and everything I could to protect my child. I am sorry about this for you. I wish I could be helpful. Peace in our Hearts.
My son used to see my parents daily. I've slowly cut that down because I knew a fast cut-off would be too traumatic for them and my son. I also knew I'd get blamed and I'm afraid they will try and take him away from me. Whenever things get rough between us, they always attack my parenting.
I'm got some really good advice on how to cut contact from a friend who divorced her abusive husband and still had to let him see their kids. Start off with 30 days. Tell everyone you need 30 days to process all this stuff because you hurt each other and you need no contact. Then re-evaluate.
I think you owe it to your child to not let anyone treat you like you are not worthy. He will then pick up on that and it could get magnified in him. Children see themselves as extensions of their parents. My parents, unfortunately, think they are incompetent and not worth happiness. So that is how I saw myself. I still do sometimes. You are incredibly intuitive and probably a wicked mom to be coming to these conclusions. It's not easy though. I know that. I feel like I am grieving the death of my entire family.
My therapist and I talked about that you can't make other people get help and come to terms with reality and the truth of what REALLY happened. You can only heal yourself and deal with the truth and the facts as they really happened, and in that you DO NOT have to force yourself to associate with relationships that are toxic to your recovery process. It is up to you to put the limits on your relationships. How and when you feel they cross the line and when they become toxic to your recovery, it is not up to them, it is YOUR recovery, not theirs. It is your RIGHT not theirs. It is ok to say I need space right now to work on my recovery, and to not be put in situations that will be toxic to my progress. If they love you they should understand, and if they don't well....
This was a very powerful lesson for me today, just thought I would share.
I agree totally.
My family is really toxic
I am so angry that I have to walk away and shut the door on my whole family. The good ones all died. My Home was really a house of incest and they want to continue to deny, down play and continue the drama of their play. The one were we are all one big happy highly religious Catholic family. Hypocrites!!!
They hate me because I can't pretend it all didn't happen. How dare the stupid youngest one drive the family through this.
If I want to survive this and even want to survive this I have to leave the poisin behind. The longer I am away the stronger I feel. My own family is proud of me. Thank God for that!!!
Anyway, I know how you feel, if you want to write let me know.