My heart goes out to all of you. I have read what you have posted here and I hope that your hearts heal soon. My daughter is 8 years old, 1 1/2 years ago I found out that her father had been sexually abusing her. We are currently pressing the proper charges. Our family (my daughter, me, her step-dad, and my baby son) have been hurting more than I could have ever imagined. My daughter, just 2 short years ago was a beautiful little girl, normal, happy, smart. She loved to play with her dolls and her ponies. She was happy. She had friends. And now she is just hurting. Her heart is bleeding. Not a day goes by that she does not act out in some way or another. She has lost most of her friends and is barely passing in school. She does not want to be herself anymore, she hates herself and thinks she is not worthwhile. Recently, this last week we had to take her to a hospital because she cut herself on purpose. She does not know why she did it. They kept her in a day program for 3 days in which she seemed to get better. She cried today when they dismissed her and she has started acting out again. I do not know what to say or do to show her I love her. Every time we try she pushes harder and harder untill she pushes me to the limit and then I loose my composure and yell at her. She is so hard to love sometime, but she is so amazing and so worth it! If anyone has any insite for us we are in need of help. It seems our whole lives have stoped, like we can't move on, or go past the path that this has led us down. The other thing is, is that 10 years ago I chose this man. He seemed like a nice guy. We met at church, dated a year, got married, had a baby and then he changed. He told me he knew what I wanted to see and pretended to be it. I coulden't even see through his charade. How stupid could I be to let a monster like this, someone who does not have enough moral value not to touch his own child into my life! Into hers!? I feel like I have ruined her life, and ours. I was sexually aboused as a child and as a teen, and I feer that my unresolved issues drew a creap like him to us. And now, every time I change my baby I feel guilty. Like wipeing him with a baby wipe is going to abuse him. I have dreams at night that I am the one abusing her, not my X. My husband is also falling apart. He can't even hug her. He is so afraid to touch her or even interact with her. He doesen't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but he ends up being overly harsh and critical and ends up pushing her away. We hardly look at each other now. We rarely talk, usually we end up sereaming ar each other. Our marriage os falling apart. Meanwhile we are still awaiting court. He has pled guilty to his charges, but we have to go to sentenceing,where my daughter has to get up infront of him and tell the judge what he did. I rips her apart daily. He is out on bond and I am constantly in fear that he is going to come take her, or burn our home down, or kill us in our sleep. I feel like I am going crazy! I'm sad, I'm scarred, I'm mad,and I'm terrified for my little Princess.
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