i dunno why i posting this...feel like i need to write something, somewhere, to someone...just thinkin bout what happened...again...i do so well, not thinkin bout it, not lettin it dictate my feelings on any given day...and then, for some reason, i need to remember. somethin in me does not want me to forget. does not want me to be, act, think, feel normal. have parts of me that say it didn't happen...that i just a liar...some stuff so horrible i can't write...speak, ever. wish there was someone i could tell everything to. tried therapy, but two therapists and a psych told me i not tryin hard enuff...so they dumped me. i went to someone else, an she say i was 'beyond her agency's scope'. translation = they not equipped to deal with 'someone like me'. i try to commit suicide so much...five times last year, once this year...got out of hospital a month ago...i hope i don't get in trouble for this post, i dunno where to put it, or where it sposed to go...so sorry if it inappropriate...anyway, the people in the hospital were not nice to me...one lady tell me that people 'get tired of people like me'. one doc and some nurses tell me i just need to grow up...there's no help for me, really...so everyday, i paint my face up with make up an a smile. i stopped covering the scars on my arm...there's over a hundred of them...so ugly...the scars on the inside tho, i still must hide...hope someday i won't have to hide anymore, so so tired of hiding...
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