Incest Survivors Community Group

This group was created before there was an actual support group on this site for incest survivors. Most people are already comfortable here, feel free to add your thoughts, questions, and opinions. I'm here for anyone that needs me. -metalheadlxlxl

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Traumas & Injuries
/ Incest Survivors Support Group

I feel guilty

deleted_user
deleted_user
I know yesterday was Mother's Day in all but I just couldn't bring myself to tell my MOTHER happy mothers day. Insted I told my grandmother happy mothers day. I couldn't tell her that, after all she has done. What does she expect me to do, forget that this has all happened? I know I need to forgive my mom AND dad but HOW? I can forget them but I don't know about forgive. Should I email her(I cut contact but she is emailing everybody I Know checking up on me like I'm some kind of criminal, she keeps telling them that if I keep all of my emotions inside me that will do harm to e in the end)They tell her that I don't keep all of my emotions bottled up just somethings. And they wouldn't allow anything like that to happen to me. What do I do? I am so confused and just knowing that I didn't say anything to my mom yesterday probably does kill her inside but she doesn't know how I feel, she wont listen. Will this affect me in some way that I will regret that all this has happened and everything be blamed on me again? Should I be feeling guilty?

Can anynone help me out please, I would greatly appreciate it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
no help, but lots of prayers and hugs. I am thinking of you and praying for you to make the right decision.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh, can we relate in this group! Bato started a whole discussion on whether to send a Mother's Day card or not. She ended up sending a very generic one.

I think this is why so many incest survivors get diagnosed as bipolar. It's so confusing all the time. Love your mother? Hate your mother? Both at the same time? Do I please society or the family supporting me or others or myself or what? AAACK!

I think it all depends on where you are in your healing. I'm way too enraged at this time to have contact. Of course, my family is so dysfunctional that some respect it and some don't. It's all about you. If you can focus on what is best for you, and not worry about who is saying what, that would be the best. Easier said than done though.

I didn't send my mom a thing. I won't this year, either. If she can't forgive me one day (after I've forgiven her) for not sending a card or wishing her a happy mother's day one year, I can handle it. I've survived sexual abuse.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Do you think if you did email her she is the type of person that would send you a pitiful email back acting oblivious or saying how sorry she is and please forgive her? I ask because I too have cut off contact with my mother. I have written her a letter several times and have never sent it, because I know deep in my heart that is the response I would get. I could send it without a return address so she doesnt know where I live, but I know I would eventually hear it from someone. I use to confide in my grandmother when I was angry with my mom and she use to listen. The last time I did it however she told me mom I was talking crap about her.
My cousin dad at 20 in a tragic car accident(mind you I have 13 other cousins who 9 of them have children as well. Ever since then she hasnt been right she talks about her constantly and thought she got a text message from her and bought an expensive grave blanket saying she was cold. Im sure this has something to do with it, but now I dont even want to talk to her. I feel like she betrayed my trust. So I know how you feel.
You can get a million replies of advice to give you options, but inevitably it is up to you to make the decision. If you think you could handle any response she is going to give you or feel it will give you closure than go ahead, but if you think something can come from this that makes you feel worse. I would save yourself the heartache and let go. No one can hurt you(emotionally and verbally)anymore unless you put yourself out there and let them. Hope this helped at least a little.

Krys
deleted_user
deleted_user
give yourself a hug...and know that it is okay to distance yourself from anyone you need to as you go through this healing process. you do as you see fit and what you feel. i didnt stop talking to my mother, but i stopped calling her and relying on her to follow through with things. and at some point i wrote her an "i am pissed off at you letter" which put a little distance but at least opened the door to talk about things. but the most important thing you could do is take care of yourself and try not to worry how it effects other people. you need you to be you and to feel safe...just keep breathing.

take care
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