Today, I told my mom about my being sexually abused as a child. After 40 years, I was finally able to tell her what happened to me. I had prepared myself well for what might happen when I disclosed this to her. I almost backed out but I knew I had to tell her because it has been eating away at me for way too long. She reacted in some ways the way I had expected her to but in other ways she surprised me. I expected her to be repulsed and walk away denying it had even happened but she didn't. She did validate one memory that I wasn't too sure if I had remembered correctly. I knew she knew my cousin had molested me. She admitted it. I am angry at her for not doing anything about it. I was 5 years old and he was 16. She wasn't really surprised when I told her about my sister abusing me and she did not try to make any excuses for her. She did ask me why I didn't tell her and I explained how she and my dad were not open to discussions about sex or even forthcoming with information about it and how the church played a role in the shame that I felt about what happened. She actually listened. I feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am free from the secrecy.
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