
Incest Survivors Community Group
This group was created before there was an actual support group on this site for incest survivors. Most people are already comfortable here, feel free to add your thoughts, questions, and opinions. I'm here for anyone that needs me. -metalheadlxlxl

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One of the effects the various types of sexual abuse had on me was weight gain.
I keep this cushion around me to keep the outside world out.
I comfort myself with food, which makes the cushion bigger, of course.
But..I think the most important connection with food and the abuse for me is that I can punish myself with it.
The extra body weight stops me from being who I would have been if my family had not been filled with perverted and twisted men.
I was thin when some of the abuse occured.
I was slightly chubby when some of the abuse occured.
I know that is a factor.
I remember thinking after being attacked by my grandfather..I was only 4 or 5..I thought maybe it was my fault because I was wearing my best dress that day. So sad for a child to think that way.
Now I have all the awareness going here for me.
I understand the whys of it all.
I have come to love myself in many ways.
I have healed various parts of my self.
My true self is emerging.
What a handful she is !
Always thought I was cripplingly shy.
Wrong.
For the life of me, I can not stop the weight cycle.
I can not change my body as of yet.
If just drives me bonkers sometimes that I can not break this patterned behavior.
Has anyone been able to resolve this ?
How did you do it ?
I keep this cushion around me to keep the outside world out.
I comfort myself with food, which makes the cushion bigger, of course.
But..I think the most important connection with food and the abuse for me is that I can punish myself with it.
The extra body weight stops me from being who I would have been if my family had not been filled with perverted and twisted men.
I was thin when some of the abuse occured.
I was slightly chubby when some of the abuse occured.
I know that is a factor.
I remember thinking after being attacked by my grandfather..I was only 4 or 5..I thought maybe it was my fault because I was wearing my best dress that day. So sad for a child to think that way.
Now I have all the awareness going here for me.
I understand the whys of it all.
I have come to love myself in many ways.
I have healed various parts of my self.
My true self is emerging.
What a handful she is !
Always thought I was cripplingly shy.
Wrong.
For the life of me, I can not stop the weight cycle.
I can not change my body as of yet.
If just drives me bonkers sometimes that I can not break this patterned behavior.
Has anyone been able to resolve this ?
How did you do it ?
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I warn you not to get too attached to the idea that getting thin will make things so much better. You will feel great, get lots of social praise and inclusion, attention etc. This will feel new and exciting, but in no time, reality will set back in, and this is when people tend to regain. The attachment you establish to being thin and feeling great only increases your self-loathing if you regain, don't attach your self-esteem/happiness to your size, it only leads to more heartache.
Been there.
I have now been "thin" for about 8 or 9 years, and I do prefer it, I feel a sense of control and pride in honouring myself, not abusing myself with food. I started involving myself in sport, running, which realigned my focus. I know am greatful for what my body can do, as opposed to what it looks like. It's still a battle I'm a size 4/6 and would like to lose more weight. The standard just shifts.
I don't feel like this was very helpful, just a rant on my part. I guess I just know how you feel and that in the end it's another "symptom".
All the best, keep me posted.
Love to you.
I did like the honoring my myself.
Now that might be a door I can jimmie open a little. Hmm ?
Who knows. Will try it.
I hate to break this to you, Sweetheart, but my left arm is a size 4/6.
I am not trying to disrespect you in anyway. Just letting you know we are talking one heck of a big cushion here.
One of the things you mentioned is the opposite for me.
When I start to loose weight and people comment on it, I become extemely self conscious. Then the regain starts.
I do want it for the right reasons. Looking good is ok, but a perk, not a main issue.
I want to feel more comfortable moving around.
I want to feel more flexible.
I want to be able to find a large selection of clothing in the styles that I feel are personal expression of who I am.
I want to touch that thin person inside of me that Amurphy01 mentioned.
I am fine with loosing the wall that protects me.
Let it come tumbling down. Let it come down already.
I hear what you are saying about selfloathing.
That is a good one to focus on.
I would have to learn some new coping skill if the wall does go down.\
I haven't lived without a cushion for quite a while.
What the hell..worth looking into again.
Thanks.
I do hope more people speak up.
For some of us, this is a big issue.
Crazy how our minds go from one end of the eating to the other end, fat to slim and then back to fat.
Let's face it, diets don't work. Throw that idea out the window. lol Instead, make a promise to take care of your body, mind and spirit and the weight loss will happen. I know that sounds trite, but it's true. It will take effort, but you can do it one day at a time.
I think in my case, I was afraid of being re-victimized and I was terrified that I couldn't take care of myself. I was reacting to these fears as if I was a helpless little girl...like when I'd been incested by my brother. I needed to get to a place where I felt that I could take care of myself and not be a victim. Then, I was no longer afraid of being attractive...or afraid of my sexuality. With counselling, my sexuality became something to be proud of and to nurture.
I too don't want people to notice that I have lost weight.
I want to lose weight for myself and my kids. I want to be able to ride a bike with them without swallowing the bike seat. But I do not want others to comment.
So I am exercising in private. I have lost 7.5kg so far. I do already feel better.
Mayber when i have lost some more I will feel better about parading my newly exposed self to the world.
I do not know why but a skinny, good looking me, always has a sexual connotation.
I have dealt with a lot of abuse issues and told my family in the last few months, so hopefully this time I have the confidence to not hide anymore.
I have always seen myself as a scared little girl hiding inside a fat womans body. Now I want the girl to emerge and grow up.
Good luck to you all.
Your comments really helped me.
I hated my body. Not just because of the way it looks, but because I felt like it was an enemy. It betrayed me. It was what my perpetrators wanted. It didn't belong to me. It belonged to them.
Once I had this epiphany, I started to reclaim my body as mine. My therapist told me about an exersize that has been really helpful. I stand in the shower and put my hand under the spray and say "This is my hand". I just look at it and feel it. This is mine. Then I put my forearm under the spray and say "This is my forearm". And so on. It was really powerful. It makes it easier to take care of this body knowing it is mine now.
When i am going through a bad patch with it then food is all i think of, from the moment i wake up, what can i eat, even when i am eating, what can i have next, i never feel full, after i have stuffed myself i feel bad and as the weight goes on i dispise myself. I look in the mirror and i disgust myself with rolls of fat and excess skin, stretch marks like a road map of the UK. But still i do it. I hide food and i eat it in secret as i hate to see the dissapointment on my hubbys face when i binge. I sometimes go to the shops, make an excuse to go so i can buy stuff and eat it in the car on the way home, i did this as a kid too. I would steal money from my mum when i went to get the newspaper in the morning and buy sweets stuffing them in my face on the way home. Food has always been my comfort. I can't seem to break this cycle. I have spoken with my GP who says diet excersisie and will power, but this is mental not physical for me. I have spoken to my therapist who says it's defiance, as my stepdad used to taunt me for eating so much, telling me a farmer would keep me for my shit. I have no idea how to stop doing this. How to stop punishing myself, how to tell myself no. so i know where you are coming from.... i just don't know how to help sorry.
I started to do this, too, then got out of the habit. And yet, when I did it, I lost weight and kept it off. Weird huh? I guess I was giving myself permission to get fit.
I'm going to start doing it again. I'm back at the gym and getting fit again. (Well, I'll never be buff, but that's OK. I don't want to be. I just want to be a healthy weight. I don't want diabetes or heart disease...or any other diseases that being overweight increases your risk of.)
The power the incest has over is just stuns me sometimes. Imagine that it is more acceptible to kill ourselves slowly by overeating, than to give ourselves the gift of health and fitness. Don't we want to live? I do. I really do. But, I'm so apathetic about it all, like I'm living in a fishbowl.