IM A 34YR OLD FEMALE IM GAY AND IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP (9YRS) AT THE AGE OF 15 I WAS ABUSED BY MY SO CALLED DAD, HE ABUSED MY SISTER WHO IS OLDER THAN ME. AT THE AGE OF 29 I WENT TO THE POLICE AND MADE A STATEMENT AGAINST HIM BUT NOTHING CAME OF IT AS MY SISTER HAD MADE STATEMENTS IN THE PAST AND RETRACTED THEM...SO I FEEL THERE WAS NO JUSTICE AND HE AND MY MUM RAN AWAY TO IRELAND AND I HATE THE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING HAPPENING TO SOMEONE ELSE.MY SISTER HAS GONE TO LIVE WITH THEM NOW AND I CANT GET MY HEAD AROUND IT.MOST OF My FAMILY HAVE DISOWNED ME BUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM BUT IT STILL HURTS TO KNOW THEY STILL THINK OF HIM AS A HUMAN BEING.OH WELL..IM AM SEEING A HYPNOTHERAPISTS AND WE ARE HAVING 'INNER CHILD' THERAPY AND IM FINDING THAT ITS WORKING SO IM EAGER TO BE 'NORMAL'.I KNOW THERE IS NO SUCH THING BUT HEYHO.Please excuse the capitals i didnt mean to shout.
What i remember.......
Iwas around 8 or 9 and i woke up to see my dad legs in front of me,me and my sister shared bunkbeds and my sister was on the top bunk.Not long after my sister went downstairs,i think i knew something wasnt right but i didnt know what.I then remember my sister sat on her bed looking at magazines i asked her what they were and she showed me them,they were porn mags.At the age of 12 i was taken to the police station and questioned about my dad,i cant remember exactly what they asked me but later on my dad told memhe was proud of me as i had denied everything.Well at that age and time i didnt think anything was wrong and at that time nothing had happened to me so of course i didnt believe anything of what they were asking me.All i knew was that i hated my sister for what she had done to my dad,i didnt see my dad for a while as i was sent to my grandparents.My dad had had a heart attack (or so i was told).I remember talking to him on the phone and being upset and wanting to come home.I can remember asking my grandma if she thought it was true and she told me that my dad had tried it on with my auntie but she didnt know what to think.Later on in my life when i had been writing to my grandma and told her i was goig to tell my nephews the truth,she she had had her suspicions but i should leave things alone and not say anything.However i did,i couldnt stand the fact that they looked up to him.Anyway going back to my childhood,i was 15 and me and my dad were up late talking in the kitchen (mum was in bed)he asked what i wanted to do when i left school i told him i wanted to be a model so he said he would take some photos of me for a portfolio.I said ok,he asked me to undress and go into the living room.I did as he said because i trusted him,he made me pose and put water on my nipple (that was the worst bit)the fact that he had touched me there made me feel so uncomfortable and i felt scared,i had no control,and exposed.I got dressed and we sat in the kitchen and carried on chatting as if nothing had happened.I was on my mind so a few days after i asked my dad for the photos but he said he had thrown the film away.After that my dad would save me a bath when i got in from school,he had already been in it so therefor used to be naked drying himself (it was always drummed in to us that it was natural to be naked,we were taken to nudist camps and swimming baths when we were younger so was trying not to let it bother me)so i would get into the bath.Once my dad had his leg up on the loo whislt drying himself and was talking about a muscle on the top of his thigh,he asked me to touch it,it was near his genitals.I did but that was all. Then my dad said he noticed i had stretch marks on my bottom and that he could get rid of them for me,so he made me laye naked on my bedroom floor and he used cream and an electric massager on my bum.This happened about 3 times,i didnt feel comfortable at all and it wasnt until he said 'dont tell mum she wouldnt understand'that the alarm bells rang.From then on i wasnt in the house alot or i would make sure mum was home.I left home when i was 18.

I will write chapter two tommorrow or later...need a break.This is my second time writing my story as i accidently deleted the last one.So goodbye for now im going to have a look around this website as its all new to me..bye and take care x