Two years ago my school socialworker called CPS because of the ongoing sexual and physical abuse my brother inflicted on me. My parents, who thought these accusations were completely untrue, banned me from seeing my socialworker. At the time, i had a therapist who I hated. In september, I got a new one, and she took over the group that my old therapist was running. Recently, my psychiatrist took me off medication and dicontniued visits with him. Then right after that, the group ended. So, I lost a lot of support. There were also other people in my life that I used to confide in, that for various reasons I no longer can. I love my new therpist and am very open with her, however, she and I both know that seeing her once a week is not efficient enough for me. So we came up with the idea that I should start seeing my socialworker again. My therapist is going to call my parents and tell them what she thinks within the next few days. And i'm just a nervous wreck about it. My parents are going to be so angry. I want so badly for them to say yes, but I know it's a long shot. If they say no, I'm going to feel so horrible. I need more help than I am getting. I'm constantly overcome by flashbacks so badly that I'll do anything for cutting and burning to slamming my wrist in a door to make it stop and bring myself back to the present. The socialworker already knows about these things, so it's not like I'll have to get her trust and open up all over again. Five years ago when people found out i was cutting, they shoved help in my face when i didn't want it. Now I need it and am asking for it, but have to beg and grovel like a pathetic bitch.
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