There may be a problem. Has he ever had any testing done to check any hormone levels or is there something that has happened in his life? I agree that there is varying levels of desire if you compare couples, but pretty much none? That doesn't sound normal. You may try talking to a professional and find a place to start.

He has been to a professional. There's absolutely nothing wrong. He has no need for intimacy. We have had times when we did not touch each other for months; he never complained. He did not even notice it.

Sadwife that is me in a simular situation it is trying I crave sexual contact. We touch and kiss but that is it. I use to take it as wanting to have sex but now I know better it stops there. I would like to feel like a women again with all the sexuality and feeling alive.

Man!!! Im with you girls, Ive been going crazy-lonely-fed up-frustrated and anyhing else you want to throw in there.): I knew my husband had impotency problems when we married. But i learned he would rather take care of himself all alone. I think thats pretty messed up. I think sometimes he has some major issues or hes selfish, to lazy to put forth effort with me. When thats a joke cause I try like hell to make him feel like a man. I dont know girls, your in my thoughts and prayers. :)

totally blows! i often think about how easy it would be for a woman to just go out and get laid... SO EASY. thing is - the majority of us just don't want that - hell, we can do that on our own... but, if i could get action with little effort from somebody random - then what is up with the guy that i care about - that cares about me? it doesn't make any sense whatsoever... for any of us...

Okay, so I want to join in on this conversation. I am struggling so much because where we do have sex - it is so limited. Maybe 2 - 3 times a month and then I practically have to ask for it. I have tried to have several conversations with my husband about it and I think every time that he will start to make an effort to initiate or if he needs to "act" like it is something he really wants. There was a time when he did act like it was something he really wanted. I don't know what happened. In our conversations I have learned that the side effects of the drugs is what he claims has caused his lack of desire. I think I feel worse when I know he has taken a "miracle pill" and then nothing happens - not that the pill didn't work, just no touching, nothing. There are times when I think he had rather do anything - read a book, mow the grass, play cards, anything but have sex. Granted I knew he had a problem when I married him - unfortunately for him he has dealt with this his entire life, I never thought it would be like this 15 years later.

I was with my boyfriend the last 16 years and then he finally tells me he is impotent. I wanted to marry him in the beginning and then after a couple of years he got to where he would almost be violent to me if I tried to get him to be intimate. He never hit me but if he was forced to have sex he would be abusive in some twisted way that was not loving. I can't explain this to anyone and there is not a friend I have that can understand what his problem could possibly be!! I have thought of everything, to his being gay to his being abused as a child. I have asked over and over again " what is wrong". He always says he doesn't know. Finally almost two years ago I found out he was having this affair with this old girlfriend he knew all those years ago when I first met him. She was never anything to him at that time but the " tack on" at the end of the evening. He was living with me at the time this affair happened but it had been a sexless relationship for at least 8 years. I accepted him telling me he was impotent and thought it was something he could not help. I had tried many times to get him to go to the doctor but he never would. I just accepted this!!! As soon as I found out what he was doing I made him leave my home. I had been in a marriage for over 25 years with the wost cheater on this earth. When this happened it brought back all of the bad feelings I thought I had overcame. It was a terrible time. I just don't have a clue as to how a person could be so cold and sexless and yet able to go be with a slut. It makes no sense to me. I am now trying to find the love I have for myself. I am scared to death to try another relationship. When a man gets near me I almost start to shake inside. In the meantime I just want to take a day at a time and be the best I can be. I want to do this to be a better person. I have to wonder what a normal relationship would be!!!

sadwife. when you say he shows no desire for you, do you mean in public? or in public and private both?

Some men have a hard time showing affection in public, especially if that person is a leader of some sort in their career. This happens to politicians frequently, as they don't want the whole world knowing about their intimate relationships. In their minds, its about having the proper "image" in public.

I see this happen alot with men, but it usually only happens in public. private, like in the bedroom, is usually a completely different story, but it sounds to me like he just needs to stop taking you for granted, and not stop courting you when he put on that ring.

Sadwife- my x- boyfriend has been the same way. We are no longer together as a couple since he cheated on me. He comes to my house mostly when I am not here since I work a lot of late nights. We had three dogs that we adopted together and he comes by in the afternoons to let them out. He didn't even want the woman he had the affair with and I don't understand why he risked what little we had together for a someone he clearly didn't want!! I found out he called her several times everyday but in the course of the nine months he reconnected back with her, he only went to her house two times. I know this it true because she told me the same thing he told me. I called her as soon as I found out what was going on and she told me about his coming there just two times in all those months. You would think a normal man that would risk his 16 year relationship would want to go to her house more than just two times. I confronted him immediately. This all happened within 30 minutes so they didn't have time to talk and get their stories to match. Besides this woman was very anxious to tell me what had happened. She even talked bad about him and said she cared nothing about him. He said the same thing about her. I have spent almost two years thinking " why" was the reason then for the affair. There is a deep problem inside this man and there is not a person that I have ever discussed this with, that can understand what " makes him tick". I am not bragging but I look a thousand times better than this other woman. He actually hates intimacy. I have asked him if he is gay and this makes him very angry. I have asked if he was molested or some other terrible thing. He tells me nothing has happened to him. I just needed some kind of explanation for all of this. There is a reason for this somewhere. You and I may never know what the reason is, but it does exists. It is painful and causes very low self esteem to think that your husband or the man you love doesn't have desire for you. I wish I knew the answer to your question. I thought I was the only person in the world that had this problem.

Dear Sadwife,

I'm sorry for your predicament. As much as people minimize touching, cuddling, the kind of human contact that bond couples and is sex. I experienced a similar problem and glad to be rid the the man. He had the capcity to get turned on by watching porn telling me that he was not interested in addressing my needs. Selfish or what?

ladys i feel for you,my hubby was going threw the samething and it was hurting me so much.We are trying to have a baby and he has low spearm count with poor motlity.his desire was aslo low.i put him on amberoz and the first thing we noticed was his desire increased dratmicaly.it cost 30.00 for a 30 day suply he takes one in the am and one at bed time.I highly recomend this its not for disfunction its for improving fertlity but the side affect is increased desire and improved mood its worth it just for that

My husband is the same way. I've told him MANY times that I desire to be touched, caressed, kissed, ANYTHING.

But, alas, I get nothing. He gives me a peck kiss on his way out the door in the morning and a peck kiss at bedtime.

I've begged for more and it makes me cry a lot because I feel totally unloved, unwanted and undesired.

He had gone very long periods of time in his previous marriage with no sexual contact and had no problem with it. I thought it was because they had a bad marriage.

Now I'm beginning to think it's me. I don't know what to do, I just want to cry.

my husband has the desire he just can't perform.

Well I should say he can't stay errect. He loses it. It's not fun but he does all he can to please me. Sometimes, I think it's me not pleasing him enough. I don't know. It's been a painful road. I've been blamed. He has diabetes and testosterone issues so it's goo to know yet still hurts.