hi there. well im going through exactly the same as you and i totaly understand what you mean. i wrote on post on here last night and i was really mad and probably sounded really selfish too but thats only because like you i dont understand and men just wont talk. my bf clams up completly and i feel like banging my head against a brick wall. we spoke about it last night and he just said that he doesnt feel like a real man, he wants to please me so badly and he says its pob too badly and thats when he will either not get or lose his erection. i do understand a bit more that it must be so hard for guys but i dont know if they quite understand how much it damages our self esteem.
i had a miscarriage a few weeks ago and i think its started to get really bad since then, he denies this is the case but i felt very much like i hadnt fulfilled my role as a mother when i lost the baby and i was useless and now i feel totally useless about this too.
one thing i have been reading about is tantra. apparently tantric sex can help a man who has psychological erection problems, i have suggested this to my man but he just looked a bit down, he said he will give it a go though. ive tried to encourage him to go to a doctor also but he is very sceptical as he doesnt want to be on pills, he is only 28.
im sorry i havent really got any advice to give you but all i can say is that your not alone and i just thought id offer you a bit of whats happening to me. i too would love to hear fom anyone who can offer any advice.
take care sweetie. x

Thanks niccih22 this is good for me and of course you to. It seems to me that the only thing that really works or has an effect is talking about it with your significant other and others going through the same thing. I dont think we are ready to talk to each other yet so please keep giving feed back. Thanks again.

I agree that talking is the best approach but let me tell you from a male perspective it's just not that easy. It's hard to explain the amount of shame a man feels when this happens to him, in particular when it happens with someone he loves and desperately wants to please. From a male perspective an erection is what defines us as a man. It's clear that men and women are somewhat different sexually. Just look and the number night clubs that women strip their cloths off compared the number that men strip their cloths off. So when a man has this problem its very shameful for him to talk about. Its admitting failure as a man. I recommend you read the book "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" by Pat Love and Steven Stosny. This is a wonderful book for both men and women that can provide insight into what's going on their partner's head. Best of luck to you.

Hi i'am a guy looking for answers ? A way bto improve my functioning its very hard some docs acted uncomfortable disscussing things If anyone would like to talk lets chat.

hey niccih i can understand how it is for you but as a guy its just the same for men men have this wild ego to please there woman and when a erction cant be got or maintained he feels a failure put down can cause problems especially when it comes to size there a differnt views on this where size is not important to some woman but i often wonder if this true i hope things improve for you and i think he should enjoy you

Just hang in there and continue to love and respect each other.