Hi Everyone. I am a hypochondriac and it is ruining my life. At the age of 10 my parents divorced and my grandmother got sick with lung cancer spread to a brain tumor and she died. I remember seeing rotting away in the hospital bed. She smelled of death. Thats when it started. I was convinced at 10 i had a brain tumor forced my parents to take me for an mri. They told me i was fine. Its been a constant daily battle of worry. Some are worse than others. Everyone knew of my hypochondria. When i was 19 my boyfriend who i got an apartment with used my hypochondria to his advantage. I kept worrying about hiv or brain tumor. He told me i couldnt leave him bc if i had hiv we had to stay together. I stayed with him in fear. Finally had us both tested we were negative. 2 years later at the age of 21 after years of him threatening hiv he actually GOT HIV!!! how did this happen?? Did he do this on purpose???? Like wtf?!? He continued to tell me i couldnt leave him bc we had hiv but now he had positive results and the CDC contacted me. I was negative and i left him. Still dont know how he got it. Was so upset the doctor had to give me something to calm me down n make me sleep for the year i was going through testing. Ever since ive been taking about 3 HIV tests per month spending TONS of money!!! Im scared to death of it!!! How did my fake worry turn into reality????
At the age of 27 i tried to date i told myself i wouldnt be scared anymore and i would be safe!! I finally got up the nerve to date and not be scared. I said i cant keep living in a bubble. I dated someone i knew since highschool caught him cheating! His son was calling me some other girls name! I freaked out. Year later i tried again my friend convinced me to do online dating. She told me id finally be happy after all i went thro. Dated the guy 6 months and all of a sudden was really sick. Turns out i was pregnant and having an HSV2 first outbreak at the same exact time. We were being careful so i yelled at him..he must have done something bc how is that possible? He admitted to cheating on me with meeting 3 other girls on the dating site and admitted to trying to make me stay with him by getting me pregnant. I had the abortion and he supposidly got tested for HSV2 and brought negative results to me. They told me i could have had this for years and pregnancy activated it? Since then ive been having severe PTSD, anxiety and hypochondria.
Im pretty sure i had a nervous breakdown and completley lost it. Since the disgnosis and abortion last year everyday i wake up with a new problem. Stomach issues, rashes, headaches, severe TMJ, facial twitches etc. the doctors keep telling me its not related and its stress. Ive spent thousands of dollars on doctors/hospital visits this year. I am so much in debt i had to give up my apartment. Im in serious trouble. And im convinced something else is wrong. I had a facial MRI which showed TMJ on right side. Which is not getting better. I had a Catscan at hospital showed fine. Tons of bloodwork. All showing fine except for the HSV2 (herpes) Noone apparently has this that i dated so how did this happen or is someone lying? I just told myself not to be scared and tried to date and this happened. I feel miserable like ill never be happy again. They tried me on lexapro which made me vomit and sever diarea for 2 days straight. I called the dr who told me he put me on the lowest dose and this shouldnt cause this so maybe something else is wrong with me. This made my hypocondria worse!!! My primary doctor thinks im nuts and wont run any tests. So ive been going to a million other doctors. I have a nerologist appointment next month. All these unexplained symptoms this past year im convinced i have MS or a brain tumor or something else going on. Idk what to do. I cant keep living everyday in fear!! HELP!