Hi Guys I'm new :) I've been dealing with HOCD for two years now. My first attack was set off by my boyfriend telling me I texted my friend so much he was afraid I was becoming a lesbian. Later that week I had a serious of panic attacks and decided I would rather kill myself than live as a lesbian and give up my dream of a husband and kids. I went into CBT and have been dealing with it ever since
I've been doing well lately and not had many spikes ( I'm having one now though). During my spikes I feel like I am "attracted" to women who i feel nothing for during my normal periods. Does anyone else experience this? I know that my "attracted" feelings when i'm spiking are actually me being uncomfortable...because they feel different then when i'm attracted to men ( which happens a lot). But i cant help worrying that i'm actually attracted to a girl ( during my spikes). Even during this time I get extremely uncomfortable thinking about having sex with her , etc. My therapist has said that even straight women have some small attraction to other women...yet these are very concerning to me. All i want is for this to go away because i'm worried i'll never be able to have a husband who understand this .