I am in love with my boyfriend. We met online about two months ago, and we havent met in person as of yet. I know what you are thinking but I am not here to be judged by you, I'm here for help. My boyfriend and I had originally planned to meet in February for my birthday, but he became sick with infectious mono. It was only recently that he got well and went to the doctor because we had planned another day for him to come up so we could meet. The doctor called him the day before he was going to board the plane, and gave him the bad news.. he tested positive for HIV. The mono had masked his blood cells so that they didn't catch it in the numerous blood samples they had taken because of his mono. He told me that night, and I cried like I never cried in my life. He didn't come up to see me, he didn't want to infect me. He told me how he got it, and I understand what happened. He lost his father a few months ago and he was in a very bad place and sought out comfort in the form of a prostitute. The prostitue was infected, enough said. Now we are trying to deal with what has happened, it has turned our plans upside down. We planned to do so much together, and now it won't happen. He is now on meds that cause him to become more cold towards me and others. I love him with all my heart, and i can't imagine abandoning him. However, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I don't know what to do with myself. I find myself feeling depressed that i won't know his touch, or be able to make love to him without that fear of infection. What's more he will never try to make love to me now because he loves me too much to put me in danger. I even contemplated at some point asking him to infect me so we could at least suffer together, but I know it's a stupid idea and he would never go along with it. I cry now often because I keep thinking of all the plans we had that are virtually impossible now. I get depressed over the way he talks now, as if it is all over for him. I feel so much love for him, but at the same time so much anger. I hate that he picked up the prostitute and was so stupid as to have unprotected sex, even though i understand why he did it. But he has hurt me so bad, he made me love him and now we can't even be together. This on top of things in my life right now have just put me in a real bad state. I feel like I'm about to burst but I do not want to leave my boyfriend. I love him.. pls help, how can I relieve these feelings?
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