
HIV Support Group
HIV (also known as human immunodeficiency virus, and formerly known as HTLV-III and lymphadenopathy-associated virus) is a retrovirus that primarily infects vital components of the human immune system which can lead the syndrome known as AIDS. Many of the problems faced by people infected with HIV result from failure of the immune system to protect from opportunistic...

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i got diagnosed as hiv+ four weeks ago today.
Since the diagnosis i cant relate to the person i used to be, i find myself withdrawing from social situations, avoiding my friends and the thought of nights out that keep me sane terrify me. I have lost all my confidence in myself and can barley look in the mirror as i feel so disconected from myself and the world in general. I'm angry with myself for being so vain and putting so much of my self worth on the attention i aimed for and now no longer has any significance.
The past four weeks have been so painful i have been living in a numb world where i'm afraid to smile. Afraid of my emotions taking control, i avoid having any. I am constantly struggling to put a brave face on, smiling instead of crying, keeping all my emotions in check as i have only told a couple of friends.
But I'm so afraid of telling people, asking for help, rejection and the loneliness i feel at the moment being forever. I cry all night and then feel so angry with myself for being pathetic and self indulgent.
I'm not really sure why i'm writing this, i suppose i just want to be reassured that it gets easier.
Since the diagnosis i cant relate to the person i used to be, i find myself withdrawing from social situations, avoiding my friends and the thought of nights out that keep me sane terrify me. I have lost all my confidence in myself and can barley look in the mirror as i feel so disconected from myself and the world in general. I'm angry with myself for being so vain and putting so much of my self worth on the attention i aimed for and now no longer has any significance.
The past four weeks have been so painful i have been living in a numb world where i'm afraid to smile. Afraid of my emotions taking control, i avoid having any. I am constantly struggling to put a brave face on, smiling instead of crying, keeping all my emotions in check as i have only told a couple of friends.
But I'm so afraid of telling people, asking for help, rejection and the loneliness i feel at the moment being forever. I cry all night and then feel so angry with myself for being pathetic and self indulgent.
I'm not really sure why i'm writing this, i suppose i just want to be reassured that it gets easier.
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
weren't even sure what it was back then. Ihave the virus 19 years. There's a lot of us living normal life spans now. Remember that. Big Hugs Alexandria
when you find out how truely half assed the hiv testing process is.... you will realise some things that you cant possibly integrate right now, did you know that it says right on the side of the hiv test kit the doctor uses, right there on the label:
this kit is not accurate enough to use as a diagnostic tool? did you know that so many 'false positives' are found by all the tests, including the one the INDUSTRY will tell you is the 'confirmatory test'..so many false positives that its making people who know better laugh!
did you know there are a list of about 70 different health conditions from simple things like gonorea, syphillis, chickenpox, PREGNANCY ITSELF, as well as malaria tuburculosis, SIMPLE MALNUTRITION... all of which will make you test positively?
did you know that long term drinking, or too much partying, is enough to make you test false positive?
did your doctor tell you what percent of the hiv tests he has given are false positives?
no, because half the doctors are just doing what they know how to do... go thru the motions.
when you are ready or interested in more information, just hollar, thats what were here for, and when all your freinds tell you that im crazy and dont know what im talking about, you tell them tht ive been reading material written by famous hiv researchers, virologists, nobel prize winning chemists who designed the viral load test, who himself is now fighting back against all this sloppy science...
first things first, understand that just because the tests are crap doesnt mean there is not something wrong with your health, but until you find out specifically what it may or may not be, dont panic.
if you find out you are ill, it will take a while for that feeling that you have a tatoo on your forehead to go away! took me about two years, but that was back in the earliest eighties when we knew NOTHING!
virusmyth.com, dont take my word for it, do liek the rest of us, dig and read and read and read and read and read both sides of every story you can find... there are two opinions, and dont let anyone talk yoiu out of finding 'second opinions' simply because this is scarey. fear is not a cure, but it can be a mighty motivator to get yourself informed.
im here on sunday afternoons with a few others from this site, we're getting together for live chat at msn messenger, my screne name in msn messenger is phillyreikimaster@hotmail.com
you're in good hands, your own. dont let something like this, derail who you have always been. ITS NATURAL TO BE SIDESWIPED AND THROWN OFF YOUR FEET BY SOMETHJING LIKE THIS, CAUSE ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT IT IS THE CRAP THEY SAY ON TV. in a very short time if you want to know, the information is right there.
: )
how is everything shaping up?
a few months into things alot of things are adjusting and shifting, and our minds are very busy thinking thinking, and rest is essential. so is exercise and continues normalcy in your physical routines, as well as givinig yourself the space and time you need to be alone, mindful of not being to isolated yourself from others, issues about people being close to us, before were ready ourselves to speak or talk, and after 25 yrs hiv poz i can tell you there might be a chatter on a backchannel in your mind for a time to come.
several of my freinds newly diagnosed within a few months were feeling relatively calmer than they had anticipated and weere surprised how they adjusted without an real fallout.
anyway, enjoy the holidays. drop a line
thanx again