I 2 have been on and off of those same exact feelings. I wrote a discussion asking the same question, take a look at the past discussion. This is the place for you to be. There are alot of people on this site who have been dealing with HIV for along time and all have reassured me that IT DOES GET EASIER! I've known for almost 4 months and the days are getting easier. Don't let this controlled virus control you! My prayers and love is with you my friend! STAY STRONG!

I wish there were places like this when I was diagnosed 19 years ago, no one even had pc's back then. I remember the feelings, it's god awful and very lonely. You are not alone like we were back then, There's a whole world of positive people to connect to and it does get better. Just give yourself a chance and give us a chance too. Please get some temporary professional help to get you through these early times, that's all I was able to do and it helped me greatly. They
weren't even sure what it was back then. Ihave the virus 19 years. There's a lot of us living normal life spans now. Remember that. Big Hugs Alexandria

i sure wish there were places like this when i was diagnosed 25 yrs ago. (alive and healthy today, by the way)

when you find out how truely half assed the hiv testing process is.... you will realise some things that you cant possibly integrate right now, did you know that it says right on the side of the hiv test kit the doctor uses, right there on the label:
this kit is not accurate enough to use as a diagnostic tool? did you know that so many 'false positives' are found by all the tests, including the one the INDUSTRY will tell you is the 'confirmatory test'..so many false positives that its making people who know better laugh!

did you know there are a list of about 70 different health conditions from simple things like gonorea, syphillis, chickenpox, PREGNANCY ITSELF, as well as malaria tuburculosis, SIMPLE MALNUTRITION... all of which will make you test positively?

did you know that long term drinking, or too much partying, is enough to make you test false positive?

did your doctor tell you what percent of the hiv tests he has given are false positives?
no, because half the doctors are just doing what they know how to do... go thru the motions.

when you are ready or interested in more information, just hollar, thats what were here for, and when all your freinds tell you that im crazy and dont know what im talking about, you tell them tht ive been reading material written by famous hiv researchers, virologists, nobel prize winning chemists who designed the viral load test, who himself is now fighting back against all this sloppy science...

first things first, understand that just because the tests are crap doesnt mean there is not something wrong with your health, but until you find out specifically what it may or may not be, dont panic.

if you find out you are ill, it will take a while for that feeling that you have a tatoo on your forehead to go away! took me about two years, but that was back in the earliest eighties when we knew NOTHING!

virusmyth.com, dont take my word for it, do liek the rest of us, dig and read and read and read and read and read both sides of every story you can find... there are two opinions, and dont let anyone talk yoiu out of finding 'second opinions' simply because this is scarey. fear is not a cure, but it can be a mighty motivator to get yourself informed.

im here on sunday afternoons with a few others from this site, we're getting together for live chat at msn messenger, my screne name in msn messenger is phillyreikimaster@hotmail.com

you're in good hands, your own. dont let something like this, derail who you have always been. ITS NATURAL TO BE SIDESWIPED AND THROWN OFF YOUR FEET BY SOMETHJING LIKE THIS, CAUSE ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT IT IS THE CRAP THEY SAY ON TV. in a very short time if you want to know, the information is right there.

: )

yes, it does get easier when I found out about 7yrs ago. I took it pretty well,but I had someone else going thru the same thing (my other half). he's since moved on and that's when thing changed It got hard to talk to people outside my world. Afraid of rejecting it happens some times. But that is life after the old saying no said it was going to be easy and they also failed to mention it could be easier at least a little we don't remember our birth and we will not know are death. So the only thing that matters is what's in the middle. I was taking 7 pils when I 1st started and then I went to 2 pills a day and now; none. A multivitamin With at least 250mg niacin a day( look up no the net "niacin and HIV" to get info on Test Study. very intersting info. BE WELL ALL! Vino; out.

It will definitely will get better. I can relay to you being afraid of going out and seing friends because i had the same trouble. I was diagnosed in April 2007 but kept very busy the whole summer with my work. When my co-workers comented on how good I looked I just told them I was on a diet. I had lost more than 10lbs and my weight was only 120lbs. After summer things got more calm with my work and I put 10lbs back on. My friends still say I look great and I really do, but in October I finally admited that I was HIV positive and there was nothing I could do to change that reality. That same night I got dressed up and told my partner we need to go out and have fun. We went out for dinner and then met with friends later for a few cocktails. I can truly tell that I never felt better. I am still scared inside but I have hope that a cure will be found before i have to take any other medicines. I also had put lots of my plans on hold during the summer, but now i am back in business and planning to remodel my house and travel among other projects. I am going to be in control. I am not letting HIV control my life or happiness. You will feel much better in a few months once you realize that it is just a virus that can be controlled with medicin. Good luck and I hope this will lift up your spirits. Take care an stay well.

Hi Celoolec, thanks for sharing your story with us, thats a good thing to do rather than keep it all to yourself. Remember most of us here have been through want you are going through now. Well, for me this is the 6th month since knowing of my positive status. I cried for two days and i hated myself and when i meet with my doctor i changed my view of all that i was feeling, and i chose to accept my status. Accepting being positive makes it easier to move on with life. Get to know more about HIV/Aids and read about other peoples stories and you can get a lot of encouragement from such stories. More so you have to want to live and have a positive attend and surround yourself with people who are positive in life and people who care about you and not judge you. The first time i went for the group meetings at the clinic i attend i was so scared but i was so happy to see people who have been HIV positive for more than 11yrs and they look healthy and doing well and having a normal life just like any other person. I can promise you that it will be ok, as long as you want to work towards it. Know that am here if you need someone to talk to. Mresh4@yahoo.com. Take care and be well.

check back sometime, say hi...

how is everything shaping up?

a few months into things alot of things are adjusting and shifting, and our minds are very busy thinking thinking, and rest is essential. so is exercise and continues normalcy in your physical routines, as well as givinig yourself the space and time you need to be alone, mindful of not being to isolated yourself from others, issues about people being close to us, before were ready ourselves to speak or talk, and after 25 yrs hiv poz i can tell you there might be a chatter on a backchannel in your mind for a time to come.

several of my freinds newly diagnosed within a few months were feeling relatively calmer than they had anticipated and weere surprised how they adjusted without an real fallout.

anyway, enjoy the holidays. drop a line

thanx for the messages, it helps to know that what i'm feeling is natural and i am coping, I am learning and that helps me not be so scared though it still overwhelms me at times i am slowly accepting that this is now a part of me and something i have to face.
thanx again

its hard when you have just foudn out i were the same last year but there is a future for you and you can lead a full healthy life even though you have hiv, i did not belive the docs but i guess they were right, give ot time you will get your life back and control having hiv, you know were o a, if u need me.